Hi, this is my first post after years of reading others' and gleaning many gems of advice that I've been able to apply to my own life. This time though, I need to let you know my specifics and get an opinion on this exact situation, please.
I'm in a long distance relationship, we see each other about every 4-6 weeks for a week at a time. I moved away while we were just friends but have started a romantic relationship after keeping in touch and realising our feelings for each other. We talk multiple times a day, on every level. I've never known anyone as emotionally intelligent as him and I'm able to tell him anything and feel heard and considered. I've just left a long term relationship where everything was very safe, to the point of boring - there were few emotional highs or lows in that person. So I'm wary that I may actually be quite stunted in my emotional development after being with that person for all my adult life. I'm nearly 50 but have had very little experience in keeping emotions, such as jealousy, in check. I am however, aware of how destructive it can be.
So to my issue. He's mid 50s and during the working day he regularly needs to contact the office and sometimes attend in person. He's told me openly about the woman he contacts, 20 years my junior, and how they enjoy their banter. I get the impression that it's never inappropriate or with any sexual references but he obviously has a big soft spot for her. He says he sees himself as a brotherly / uncle figure to her. The trouble is, he has told me that she has opened up to him about her mental health and that he has said its OK if she wants to call him outside of work if she needs someone to talk to. So far she hasn't, although this has been a recent offer so I can't say that she won't one day. We were together at the weekend and she did text him to see if he was having a good time, so the contact is slowly creeping outside of the working day already. I've told him that it makes me wary, that it has the potential to cross over into emotional support territory and that may be too much for my liking. I can already feel my hackles going up and am having intrusive thoughts about where this may lead. Please, how do I frame this in my mind without going off at the deep end, and what would be an acceptable way of handling it when it comes to how I talk to him about it? I have broached it with him briefly, and he was sad that it meant that I didn't trust him. I do trust him for now, but where does the line of the potential emotional affair lie? This is doing my head in. Would it be controlling to ask him to keep it professional chat only? Because of my, as it is at the moment, paranoia? Thanks for reading x