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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

What to do about ex

12 replies

FluentlyExasperatedMadam · 07/08/2023 22:37

I left my ex after 12years almost 10months ago.
I went out on a date on Saturday with someone I've started seeing, he picked me up from my house. We get down the road and realise my ex is following us and follows us for a further few minutes before turning away abruptly up a different street.

I've told my ex its not on and if he does it again I will tell everyone he knows 9f his behaviour. But this has of course put my date of and no longer wants to see me again and I'm gutted ☹️

OP posts:

Marineboy67 · 08/08/2023 00:40

That's a real shame that's happened. Your ex should be under no ilusulion that stalking behaviour is a criminal offence. You must make him aware that you will contact the police because of this. That can't happen again.

Pinkbonbon · 08/08/2023 01:07

New fella was a bit of a wimp then.
I suppose tbf is arguably too much drama but if I were him I think I'd have at least offered to be a pal during this scary time.

Did your ex know you had a date tonight? Or has he been watching the house a lot do you think?

It's very worrying. I'd speak with the national stalking helpline. And defo tell your family. Make sure he doesn't have keys to your home too.

Deathbyfluffy · 08/08/2023 01:18

I couldn’t be bothered with the hassle - I’d call things off too. Not willing to get beaten up for a new relationship!

OneMoreCookieMonster · 08/08/2023 01:20

Marineboy67 · 08/08/2023 00:40

This really sums it up. And, tbf on the new guy if the situation reversed everyone would say to not get involved. In your case tou really do have a crazy ex. Such a shitty situation. Really hope the ex grows up and leaves you alone.

supercali77 · 08/08/2023 06:49

@Deathbyfluffy You really just came onto a thread about a woman being stalked and made it about how her date felt. What a Prince.

supercali77 · 08/08/2023 06:50

Has the ex done any other stalking and harassing? Log it all. Call the police. You can have him arrested for it if he persists

GreyCarpet · 08/08/2023 09:56

Has anything like this happened before?

Could it have been a coincidence that he was driving behind you given he eventually turned off?

Have there been any other incidents in the past 10 months?

Not wanting to miminmise at all but it seems like quite an over reaction on your new date's part to end a blossoming relationship because your ex was driving behind you in a car for a few minutes if there was nothing else to cause concern.

If there have been other things and you just haven't said then fair enough but I wonder why you immediately jumped to he was following you rather than he was just driving behind you for a few minutes?

overdalexx · 08/08/2023 10:00

any other instances of such encounters with ex?

Original poster

FluentlyExasperatedMadam · 09/08/2023 00:50

Hi thanks for your replies.
Yes a neighbour told me a few weeks ago that they saw my ex park outside my house around 5am on a weekday, walk down my alleyway and then return to his car a few minutes later. The only thing I can think he was doing was trying to either look through my bedroom window (he wouldnt see much because of the angle) or listen at it.

My ex has admitted he followed us in the car and has called me all the names under the sun because men just want to use me and throw me away apparently

OP posts:

Pinkbonbon · 09/08/2023 02:00

This is absolutely horrifying op and I think you should go report this to the police.

Men like him kill women.
Especially when they think they are dating again.
He sees you as property and psychos like him don't like it when they realise you can't just be picked back up again.

Seriously, straight to the police. There needs to be a record of this. Its exceedingly worrying.

And get yourself a camera doorbell.
Warn your workplace so they can look out for you. And tell family and friends.

He's dangerous. Its bad.
You need to start taking serious steps to protect yourself.

If he's ever gad a key to your home, change the locks. I'd even check under you car for bugging devices tbh because you just never know with crazy, nasty fuxkers like him.

ConnieTucker · 09/08/2023 02:16

Pinkbonbon · 09/08/2023 02:00

This is absolutely horrifying op and I think you should go report this to the police.

Men like him kill women.
Especially when they think they are dating again.
He sees you as property and psychos like him don't like it when they realise you can't just be picked back up again.

Seriously, straight to the police. There needs to be a record of this. Its exceedingly worrying.

And get yourself a camera doorbell.
Warn your workplace so they can look out for you. And tell family and friends.

He's dangerous. Its bad.
You need to start taking serious steps to protect yourself.

If he's ever gad a key to your home, change the locks. I'd even check under you car for bugging devices tbh because you just never know with crazy, nasty fuxkers like him.

All of this. And soon. Cameras front and back recording.

stalkers are dangerous.

Pinkbonbon · 09/08/2023 02:43

https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-49481998

Not sure if This'll work but if not it's an article about signs an abuser will kill and here's a screenshot of some key indicators. It mentions stalking after the relationship ending.

Flip