I 25F finally found the courage to leave my 31M BF (>1 year) after feeling unhappy for a couple of months. When we first started dating I was besotted and thought he could do no wrong despite being a little immature and codependent on his parents. As soon as we became an official couple, I realised I was giving him the benefit of the doubt far too often and our honeymoon phase was essentially over before it began.
The thing is, BF was a relatively nice man who adored every part of me and complimented me everyday so I never felt unwanted, but there was also a different side to him I was slowly starting to see. He was very manipulative and knew how to word things so you’d take pity and forgive him. He was very negative and tight with money despite having plenty. He blamed everyone else for his own problems and when I tried to help, he refused any help, and continued to blame the world before him as it fell apart.
The first time we broke up (yes, first) he cried and said he seen it coming. He spoke highly of me and how I deserved the world and how his own problems meant he was incapable or deserving of anyone’s love and he knew he had to work on himself. So, he did, he took some of the things I said on board and a bouquet of expensive flowers and chocolates arrived to my work and I ended up agreeing to give things a second try. Within a week the issues started to arise again!
Today we went out for a cheap lunch and coffee (less than £10). He paid and said I could get him back by paying for his petrol (£30), I thought he was joking and said “yeah, right”… BUT then we went onto the next shop for a bottle of water, I said I’d pay for it, and he asked was I still paying for his petrol while we were at the checkout. Silence and disbelief fills the air! Anyways, he pulls in to a petrol station on the way home and fuels up, so I decided to go to the bathroom and take my time until I seen him get up to pay (he waited).
I asked was he stuck for money but he laughed and said he was fine, so I asked why he wanted me to pay for his fuel and he responded that he had paid for the lunch so it would “balance things out”. To clarify, we always try to do things 50/50 or in rotation (but I tend to pay for the more expensive things and am left with the responsibility of planning it all). I was a bit shocked after that so I asked could he just drop me home and he only goes and becomes angry with me for wanting to cut our weekend short.
I had enough. I’m nobodies bank. I’m nobodies therapist. I’m nobodies cleaner. I’m not any grown man’s mother!
So I let him know I was still unhappy, I tried but unfortunately I have to end things for good. Once again, he said he seen it coming, wished me the best, and then gave me the big pity speech on how he isn’t “meant for relationships” etc., I decided to do a clean cut and remove him off everything. Out of sight, out of mind.
I know I should’ve left way sooner (he lied twice) & I just ended up staying in the relationship for reasons I don’t fully know, maybe loneliness, but I feel so proud of myself for just ripping off the bandaid and finally realising I deserve more.
What’s the best way to get over a breakup? I’m feeling too happy and free now that I almost feel like the tears will hit me out of nowhere like a tonne of bricks. What was the best breakuo advice you ever received?
And lastly, how the eff do I build myself up (book recommendations etc) so I will have the willpower to actually say no to future relationships like these?