Sorry this has turned longer than expected. Been with DP nearly 5 years, I have 2 children from a previous relationship.
MIL is a vile woman. Drank alot when we first got together but was lovely to Me, DP would tell me how awful she could be and how badly she treated him growing up but I honestly couldn't see it in her, until she turned on me...
she started leaving drunk voicemails and text messages on DP phone calling me names and demanding he pack his stuff and leave me. He ignored them mostly but occasionally would confront her and she would outright deny doing it Evan if he played the voicemails back to her. She would do this at least 3 times a week. Then i fell pregnant which ended in miscarriage. She spent the pregnancy trying to convince DP that the pregnancy didn't exist, I was lying etc, then she lapped it up when I miscarried as that was obviously my 'get out' from the 'invisible' pregnancy. At this point I said I was cutting her out my life but was fine with whatever DP wanted to do. He also chose to cut her out. This just ramped up the abuse, it became more frequent, death threats towards me, then she turned on my DP and started belittling him and disowning him. We ignored everything and it eventually stopped.
So middle of last year DP mental health took a nosedive and he decided that not having his mum in his life was making it worse than having her so he reached out. We had her round the house to try and smooth things over, she still refused to admit any of the things she had said and done so also wouldn't apologise so for the sake of DP mental health we let it go and have spent the last year building a relationship. We would pop in a couple of times a week and things felt like they were getting better and this all led to a family holiday last month. Me, DP, my 2 DS, BIL,SIL,DN and of course MIL & FIL.
First few days were great until MIL then decides to give me shit on night 3 about how DP mental health is all my fault as his problems only appeared once with me. This isn't true, he's had them at least 10 years prior to being with me. Day 4 she gave me the silent treatment. Day 5 she acts totally normal with me but turns on SIL. slags SIL off to me and to her face, and I find out from SIL she has also had problems with MIL for the last 6 years. Day 6 and we all head our separate ways home. SIL messages me to inform me that something happened On day 4.
We had to take our car to the garage for a quick repair and my 2 sons decided to stay at the holiday home with everyone else. My eldest (15) is autistic and has a small Teddy he usually carries indoors. MIL asked me about this on day 2 and I explained it is a sensory thing, and it helps with his anxiety and to keep him calm/prevents meltdowns in busy or loud environments, Like a holiday house full of adults and a baby. When we left to take our car my MIL has turned round to SIL and said ' go and get that Teddy and hide it', she asked why and the response was ' he is to old for a Teddy anyway, go and hide it and we can sit back and see what he does and what his reaction is when he cannot find it.' SIL told her straight how nasty she is and obviously refused to take and hide the Teddy. I told DP and my immediate response was that I was going round her house once home and fully blowing up at her. I didn't, I slept on it and once calm decided that I was done with the woman for good and I would say nothing to her. DP also decided she's gone to far this time and he is also cutting her off. This was a week ago now. We figured we would just stop contact and say nothing then when she eventually twigs On that we aren't visiting multiple times a week or responding to her then DP will tell her exactly why.
Can I ask how others would navigate this situation as I don't know if we are going about it the right way? We just see it as she has tried to bully my autistic child and cause him distress for her own personal gain/entertainment. Knowing how my son reacts to things like this and the fact he has been having difficulties with feeling suicidal this last year, I honestly feel she could have put him In a very dangerous situation and we feel she knows it was wrong as she waited until myself and my partner were out the house to attempt it. Once she knows she's being cut off again I believe the shit will start all over again. What ive told is just a handful of incidents, there have been plenty more multiple times a week for almost 3 years. Would others also cut her off? Would you tell her why now or wait until she asks why the visiting has stopped? Would you evan bother to tell her at all? I honestly don't know what's best here as either way I think my partners mental health will take a hit for it 😞