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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Just been dumped

29 replies

justbeendumped · 07/08/2023 15:17

We were together 7 months and he was super hot and keen. Last few weeks he had been acting distant and when I confronted him he said he didn’t want to progress as he knew his feelings aren’t that strong.

WTF.

He called me multiple times every day, bought me jewellery, fixed things around my house, I met his daughter, and we were planning a trip next month.

He never gave me any doubt before.

The usual excuse he needs time to himself, he doesn’t know what he wants.

I know people can leave a relationship for any reason but why the 180? Why act so keen when you’re not? You don’t just lose feelings.

I’m so tired of men’s lies.

OP posts:

Original poster

justbeendumped · 07/08/2023 15:17

I really thought he was different !

OP posts:

Menopants · 07/08/2023 15:19

sorry you are going through this. He probably met someone else. At least he did it now and not in 5 years time. Take care of yourself I hope you feel better soon

samestyle · 07/08/2023 15:32

Sorry to hear this, it's awful for you but now you know, the best thing you can do is look forward, you don't want a man that isn't sure of you, he's not the right one. Never let them back would be my advice.

Either he always felt a bit unsure and wasn't totally truthful of how he felt or he's interested in someone else.

Original poster

justbeendumped · 07/08/2023 15:52

He always used to say I’m the first woman he met that he never had any doubts about.

My head is messed up.

OP posts:

BCBird · 07/08/2023 15:55

Virtual hug OP.it crap.i know. I've been there. It does get better with time. I deleted all his messages and threw out photos.

Busubaba · 07/08/2023 16:00

Don't see yourself as being dumped but rather as being set free.

He sounds like someone who goes in full steam and then pulls up short.

readbooksdrinktea · 07/08/2023 16:04

He always used to say I’m the first woman he met that he never had any doubts about.

Classic.

Sorry, though. It is not a good feeling.

Original poster

justbeendumped · 07/08/2023 16:10

Is he a player? What’s actually happened I have no idea.

OP posts:

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 07/08/2023 16:12

You'll never know, OP. Whatever he said/says, you won't know the real reason.

Better to find out now but I know it hurts. Get rid of everything to do with him and spend time with mates.

EllenVannen · 07/08/2023 16:16

I met his daughter, and we were planning a trip next month.

This was too fast too soon.

Next time pace yourself OP.

I'm sorry you got hurt but it was probably a blessing in disguise, although you can't see that now.

FartSock5000 · 07/08/2023 16:41

@justbeendumped you were love bombed and then dumped probably because he had his eye on someone else.

You had a lucky escape. He is very likely going to start DMing you in a few weeks once the sex cools in the new relationship but don't fall for it. Block him and next time be on the alert for love bombing so soon in the relationship.

WhineWhineWhineWINE · 07/08/2023 16:46

I'd suspect someone else. Or he's just one of those wastes of space with the attention span of a goldfish. Either way he's shown you who he is before you've wasted too much time and energy on him. Chalk it up to experience and find someone who deserves you.

Thinkle · 07/08/2023 16:57

justbeendumped · 07/08/2023 15:52

He always used to say I’m the first woman he met that he never had any doubts about.

My head is messed up.

This sounds like another version of “you are not like other girls” I.e. women are the problem, not him (the common factor in each of his relationships).

I had this love bombing and then dumping done to me 20 years ago. It was by far my hardest breakup even though it was a relatively short relationship. I can now look back on it and how much I learned from it and be so incredibly grateful that I didn’t find myself tied to him via marriage or children. Although I fear that someone else will be.

You will be grieving so your feelings right now are valid. Look after yourself and remember that his behaviour is about him and not about you. X

Original poster

justbeendumped · 07/08/2023 17:12

So what does love bombing mean? He’s a player?

OP posts:

Thinkle · 07/08/2023 17:21

There is probably some overlap between players and love bombing but I think they can exist separately. It’s often linked to narcissistic tendencies and/or abuse. I suspect you don’t feel abused but he threw loads of gifts and affection at you, and made you think your relationship meant x and then he turned around and said it didn’t mean x, it meant y. And I’m doing so he’s torn you down and made you question yourself. Sorry

Rockyroad101 · 07/08/2023 17:53

I think he probably met someone else and then had to cut it off with you. Have seen this happen to a few friends; and each time another woman was involved. He isn’t the man you thought he was clearly.

Original poster

justbeendumped · 07/08/2023 18:53

It didn’t even cross my mind that he met someone else.

OP posts:

ZekeZeke · 07/08/2023 19:01

7 months, way too early to be meeting his daughter and going on holidays.

TheBrightestStarInTheSky · 07/08/2023 19:03

If they fall in love quick, they fall out of love even quicker.

MoyoGaza · 07/08/2023 23:31

OP, did you meet him online (dating site etc)? Online dating has been known to promote or produce this kind of quick intensity that fizzles out quite quickly.

Original poster

justbeendumped · 08/08/2023 09:04

Yes online

OP posts:

Zanatdy · 08/08/2023 09:08

I feel for you. I was seeing someone late last year / early this year, an ex colleague and things got serious quite quickly (he was the one to start that) then suddenly he did a 180. I didn’t hear from him for a month or 6wks or so, then he started messaging me once a week or so, but we are still not together. He has kids, 100% custody and lack of babysitters which was the issue, but with some effort he could have made it work. I did consider her had met someone else but don’t think he did, maybe he panicked or maybe he was bullshitting all along. Put me off men again, happy with my dog!

Sunshineandflipflops · 08/08/2023 09:34

Sorry op, I think some men just go in full-steam and then the novelty wears off when that initial newness moves towards knowing each other better, maybe less excitement and more of a 'normal' relationship.

Sadly, some are just addicted to the initial thrill of someone/something new.

I have had it happen too and was very WTF but looking back, it wasn't the right relationship for me. Going no contact after a break up is by far the best way I have found to recover. Shame I couldn't do that with my ex-husband.

BarbaraV · 08/08/2023 13:19

He's probably met someone else if he's super hot. He will be in demand.

Original poster

justbeendumped · 08/08/2023 13:40

I wouldn’t say he’s super hot. I’m def more attractive.

OP posts:

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