Three days ago, DH bought some new pillows and replaced one of mine. I asked him why and he said 'You didn't like the lumpy one'. I had been sleeping on it for months and hadn't complained, but one day it ended up on his side of the bed (because all four of us pile into our bed for chats before bedtime every night and the pillows can get moved around quite a lot) and he took that to mean that I was rejecting it.
I asked him not to change my pillows without asking me. I didn't like the new one, it was uncomfortable and too thick for me. And, to be honest, I have issues with him ignoring boundaries anyway. He regularly rearranges my desk into what he thinks is a better arrangement, both at home and in work; he'll remove things or add things to my handbag; if my phone rings and I don't want to answer it, he'll answer and hand it to me. I don't have anything that's just mine, that he won't try to improve somehow.
He reckons he's trying to be helpful. But to me it feels intrusive. I've tried explaining that to him and he gets angry (which is always his reaction to anything he interprets as criticism). I said that I just want to have some small boundaries, some small parts of my life that are just mine, and he rolled his eyes.
Last night I went to bed and my pillows were too high again. He had replaced another one with a thicker, firmer one. I asked him had he done something to my pillows and he said 'why, is one different?' as if he knew nothing about it. Then he said he'd been changing one of his, and must have picked up the wrong one. The thing is, I know that the one he changed was on my side of he bed, and when I went to bed, the pillows were all carefully arranged in two neat piles, so he had obviously deliberately put the new one on my side. But he's claiming it was all completely accidental.
I'm so torn; part of me feels he's just trying to be nice and take care of me in his own way, albeit clumsily, and part of me thinks he's a gaslighting shit who has no respect for me.