He just got out the car

[Petilil]

I need some perspective please. Have NC but previously joined in threads in despair of depressed, stressed, not present DP, so you get the idea.

Today he was driving (DCs in the back) when it appeared to me we’d taken a turn the wrong way down a one-way slip road. I could have been wrong, but we were beeped and signs painted further down the road looked the wrong way round. He didn’t think so. So it all got stressful.

This ended with him screaming, turning the car round, and me apologising for being wrong. He got back to the junction and lost it at me, actually got out the car (without putting the handbrake on) yelling ‘you drive then’ while throwing a panicky strop in the road. He got back in after about ten seconds. Nobody spoke. We got on with the day.

I can’t even really process my thoughts and feelings here. I’m numb to it all generally. We don’t communicate about anything, as I know I’ll always get the blame and be made to feel like I’m in the wrong. But this was stupid and dangerous and involved DCs. I dread the confrontation. But can’t keep downplaying this anymore, can I?

You need to leave him. You know this. No more excuses, no more trying to analyse or justify his abusive, outrageous behaviour, just get rid of him.

Oh god. Your poor kids must’ve been terrified. Isn’t that enough to make you leave.

No need for further analysis of why he behaves like that. Here’s why: he’s an arsehole. He chooses to behave like that. He chooses to treat you and the Kids like that because he can.

If you're still feeling the after affects of something that happened earlier in the day, your body is telling you something.

How did you feel at the time, did you feel anything come over you?

Regardless, no. There's getting stressed driving and there's rage, and rage inside a tin can is amplified and not good especially for children.

Protect your children. Neither you or her come first in this situation. Do the right thing.

You can keep downplaying it but the costs to you and especially your kids, will be very high.

No more excuses, leave!

Fuck me. If he's driving he should know the right way to drive down a slip road. He could have killed your all.

Leave him. He's an abusive dickhead.

Why on earth did you apologise for being wrong when you were right?

Thank you for these replies. I'm a big lurker on this board so know how it goes. It's been a big step just to admit to this but I know DCs deserve better.

This.

The only reason you need to leave the relationship is being unhappy. Remember that when you're inevitably figuring out how/when to leave etc.

To calm him down. Because I could have been wrong (it wasn't clear). To move it all on. It's just what I do.

I've just needed to see this all written down really haven't I.

I put up with crap just like that for years. If I dared mention there's a parking space he would deliberately go round the car park very fast and start slamming brakes on etc dreadful behaviour in front of the children. It used to traumatise every one and ruin the whole outing. Wish I'd had the courage to say f"***g do that again and we will be divorced. There were reasons for the behaviour which came out years later-unfortunately

Had he been drinking?

It sounds like this is the pivotal moment when you say enough it's enough. It's one incident but it's obviously not the first. It's the final straw for you, I think.

That must have been very stressful, OP. I understand why you wanted to calm him down, and I can see that you are still trying to process what happened.

Sleep on it, OP, and I hope you feel able to take steps in the morning - e.g. phoning Women's Aid for advice, or meeting up with a good friend to talk things over.

I wish you and your DC the very best

He could have killed you all. Killed your kids, OP. As it was he terrified them. And you.

Leave this aggressive, irrational, dangerous man.

Thank you so much all. I've spent so long doubting my own gut feelings and prioritising his issues over everyone else's that it's very much been a boiling frog situation. For the sake of DCs I can't be passive any more in the hope things improve. They never do.

No he hadn't been drinking pp but is an incredibly stressed person, is on ADs, etc. Like Daffodil I am starting to wonder about underlying causes of upset I don't know about (thinking health and finances, not affair).

I've read so many similar threads like this and never imagined I'd have one of my own. I will be taking advantage of a counselling service available through my workplace to unpack things and figure out next steps.