Cheating?

[Mazey222]

If you thought your H was cheating, would you confront them?

Something piqued my interest & I did some digging. I don't have absolute proof but know for sure H has had contact with a single (younger) woman and it's suspicious.

Feel sick, even though our 30yr marriage isn't great.
I can't afford to buy if we split & have stayed because life is comfortable. House in his name, no shared savings, he earns a lot more than me, kids grown up.

I want to confront him tonight because I'm not good at keeping my feelings hidden.
He has lied to me before - not fidelity related. He is extremely selfish & entitled.

No point getting my 'ducks in a row' before confronting him. I have no way of accessing his phone or pc.

I want to show him her FB page & ask wtf is going on. I am raging.

IMe, people who have nothing to hide and are completely innocent judge others in the same vein.

I asked partner about something I'd found recently. I didn't consider it 'suspicious' I'd just found it and was curious. He had nothing to hide and so just told me what it was. No fear of asking and no accusations of prying. In fact, it only occurred to me afterwards how it could have looked/been perceived. But because there were Jo suspicions and nothing ro hide, the whole exchange

Posted too soon!

The whole exchange was innocent.

We're you looking for evidence? Is thee a plausible reason for you looking for something when you found it?

I'm not sure I'd jump.to something dodgy going on on the back of finding a Thank You card. Is it just hat she's younger and attractive or is there something else?

I would agree though that the majority of men don't go out of their way to help, befriend or take an interest in random older, less attractive women. Or men. It seems to be exclusively younger, attractive women who have caught their eye.

Don't-show-your-hand

Asking him now will just give him forewarning if you don't have evidence. He'll clamp down, delete all evidence, and you'll have nothing.

Look at Facebook for her friends and family, see what area she lives in. Look at LinkedIn for places of work to see where she might be. Look back on late working nights and see if there's any correlation. Check new habits like gym, cologne, clothes etc. I'd he being defensive?

Then play the ol' "my phone is acting up, can I use yours" line. I could hand over my phone to my wife without even hesitating... if he can't, it's usually either porn or cheating. If he says no, point out how suspicious that looks. Also be wary of recent guy's names in messages... I'm actually planning something for my wife and am communicating with her best friend, but I've changed her name to a guy so it doesn't look suspicious if her name pops up... that could quite easily be used by someone to cheat.

You want a no-way-out confrontation.

Oh, come on stop being faux naive.

You know if you divorce that your bank accounts will be shared? There won't be any such thing as his savings. You should both end up in the same position financially, except that, of course he will continue to earn more.

He would never hand over his phone. He's a porn user which has always upset me.

He's always been secretive, keeps lots of paperwork out of the house (poss at work).

He is due to retire (early) later this year, do I need to be divorcing him before that happens? Ie before he gets his lump sum invested, etc?

That's how I found it, was looking for retirement paperwork.

I feel so mad because he's always been reluctant to get work done in the house and has basically maxed out his pension whilst I was working p/t to fit around the kids & didn't have much spare cash to put in a pension.

It sounds like it might be worth you talking to a solicitor before doing anything else.

otber posters are right. Long marriage the starting assumption is that you’d be entitled to half of marital assets.

you sound so defeated. Try to realise you do have some power here.

I DO feel defeated.

He has always done what he wants. Hobbies/work, everything.
It's always had to be a fight to get him to see my point of view. If you say no, that's not happening, he will just plough on & do it anyway.

His family are super supportive, (mine aren't) put him on a pedestal & want to be over involved with our life, which I struggle with.

I'd have thought whether it's in a pension or a lump sum invested elsewhere, it's all assets you have a claim to. But talk to a solicitor asap. And take photos of the paperwork you've found in case he tries to hide money.