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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Social media and boyfriend

16 replies

Notaboutthebass · 06/08/2023 20:06

I'm in a relationship of 8 months with a wonderful man.
He has his ex wife and son on Facebook as friends and understandably has all his old photos of her from years ago, which is fine.
Apart from stating he was in a relationship with me from the start, there is absolutely no existence of me. Doesn't take photos of me, but he'll put major things up of events with his friends and son.
We've done stuff together, including with his friends and family, and seems happy to have me in his life. Am I putting too much emphasis on this?
He's deadly serious about our relationship and I've never felt so at ease and happy with someone before.
Am I being silly?

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Littlemisslonley · 06/08/2023 20:27

I don't think your being silly. If he posts stuff about his son and his friends but not you I'd be the same... I'd start a conversation with him about this asap before it niggles you that much it drives you crazy

Forgoodnesssakewhatnow · 06/08/2023 20:28

If it’s just social media I don’t think I’d be bothered. As long as he’s open about you generally.

Original poster
Notaboutthebass · 06/08/2023 20:36

I've avoided talking to him as it could seem silly and needy but it's getting to me. It's a bit weird. When I say he posts about his friends it's not been loads since we've been together-things like a major event, tagging his friends on their birthdays with a photo (he didn't with mine) and a festival with friends. That's it really, no minor posts doing normal stuff. I don't get why he wanted to put that he was in a relationship with me!!
We're going to something bigger next month, I might wait until after then?

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lljkk · 06/08/2023 20:40

What's to stop you taking selfies with him & tagging him when you post on Fbk?
I think you're reading too much into this isolated habit.
also, 8 months isn't very long.

Aquamarine1029 · 06/08/2023 20:41

Judging the state of your relationship based on social media posts is just absurd. If you are that easily influenced by nonsense on Facebook, you should get off of it. His actions in real life should be all the reassurance you need.

Original poster
Notaboutthebass · 06/08/2023 20:42

He was super keen to take photos of us before asking to make things official on social media but then didn't put any on. Hasn't taken a single photo of me/us since.
A few months back I asked if his son seemed happy that he was in a relationship and he said absolutely yes and I he also said that his ex had said she was really happy for him (they split up 4/5 years ago.)

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Original poster
Notaboutthebass · 06/08/2023 20:45

Thank you for both sided opinions, I have tagged him in stuff which he seems to like. He's always asking me to send him photos of me but never takes any of me!

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LivingitLarge · 06/08/2023 20:50

If he’s got pictures of his ex and everybody else on there and he is someone who uses social media a lot, it’s a sign that he’s not ready to make your relationship public.

I would perhaps mention that you have noticed he doesn’t post any pictures of you two together and see what he says.

LivingitLarge · 06/08/2023 20:51

I was in a relationship like this where neither of us posted photos of each other and looking back, it wasn’t right and we must have both known it.

Original poster
Notaboutthebass · 06/08/2023 20:57

@LivingitLarge it is public though.

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Original poster
Notaboutthebass · 06/08/2023 20:59

And he told his friends, family and ex about me straight away. Well within a small number of weeks.

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Olika · 06/08/2023 21:49

As it seems to be bothering you, why don't you ask him? Then you know for sure. Smile

fivelilducks · 06/08/2023 22:58

8 months isn't that long when you've made a family already with someone in the past. I have 2 children with ex and only just started posting my new boyfriend recently after a year together. It's a delicate situation when you have children and you have to give it time.

Original poster
Notaboutthebass · 07/08/2023 13:35

Appreciate all the comments, thanks! Conflicting opinions from absurd to understandable, so I'm still unsure. It bothers me though and he's always saying to tell him if anything minor bothers me, which I do and he's so amazing about things, but with this I'm trying to act all hard and don't want to make out it bothers me, silly I know!

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Saltybanana · 07/08/2023 23:58

I really feel you, OP - I went through the same with my BF.
Went to a few big events and he posted that he was there, but never that he was with me - it did feel hurtful, as like your BF, he had tagged other people when he’d been to events with them.
In the end, though, I just stepped away from social media in our relationship - took him off my Facebook and Instagram and don’t think about it any more.
We have a good relationship in real life and I wasn’t about to let my anxiety around social media damage things.
But I completely understand how you feel. Hope you can resolve it 💐

Original poster
Notaboutthebass · 08/08/2023 07:33

@Saltybanana hi and thank you. That's odd too, did you ever ask him about it, do you think there was a reason he did this, did he have an ex on there or something? Did he ask you why you took him off social media? It's good that things are great between you. X

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