Post divorce success stories - please cheer me up!

[WTF202333]

I know loads of you out there will have been divorced and never looked back. I’m stuck in a rut and feel miserable and bitter every day.

ExH left me for OW 18 months ago. I’ve filed for divorce and know that I no longer love him, but I can’t seem to get over the pain of realising what a shit Dad and human being he is.

I have the DC (and dogs!) 100% of the time, I work full time in a stressful job and he’s pulled every stunt you can think of. He’s swanning around living the high life on holidays, advertising his every move on social media and I really just can’t get my head around it all.

Financial resolution via court is just around the corner and I’m hoping this will give me the closure and ability to move on with my life that I need.

I could do with some positive stories to cheer me up. I’m sick of waking up full of resentment and worry of what the future holds. Hoping is just the limbo period. Massive hand-hold needed. TIA x

I think you are already a positive story. You’re doing brilliantly 👏

I think you should block him on social media and only use text messages if you need to contact him (as in not WhatsApp)
I’m 4 years past divorce and my ex does not enter into my head now at all unless we are arranging dc . I don’t care what he’s up to or with who and I wish him well like I would an old acquaintance.
you will get there!!

OK. The first thing I didn't was not to concern myself with how he is living his life.

Yes, my income decreased and yes, I had the children for 12 days out of every 14. So, yes, he had more fun, more holidays, more stuff...

But I had peace. I had freedom. I wasn't the woman who knew he was definitely capable of cheating on his wife and wondering if he'd do it to me.

I made friends, started hobbies. Had a 'fuck it' year and did stuff that I knew he wouldn't have approved of (stuff I'd have wanted to do anyway but he would have vetoed).

And now, a decade on, I have a relationship with our children that he could only dream of. Yes, they love him but they are not as close to him. He has missed out on so much of their lives (his choice).

Oh and I never look him up on SM. He's not blocked because I've never felt the need to. And I'm not blocked either. But I can't say I've ever even looked at his page. I never see anything he posts. I'm just not interested.

I also had the pain, particularly of realising what a shit husband and dad he was and then seeing his new gf and him living it up on social media.

What worked for me:

Planning some activities I enjoyed doing

Making a list of all the times he hurt us so that when I saw expensive holidays on social media I could remind myself of how much safer I was without him

Having the divorce be finalised and the financial order come through so I could move on with my life made a big difference

Block him!

I don't have my ex on social media.

Concentrate on things for you!

I left my ex husbands with nothing but the clothes on my back and a shitty little car.

The best thing I did. For myself was finish my nursing degree, as soon as I did I bought a brand new car, I made my house nice

And smugly watching him hate every min!

This was 9 years ago, I'm 5 years into my career, met a wonderful dp and we are getting married next year,

You're already doing brilliantly without him. Block social media and stick to text/emails!

I also recommend blocking him. Counselling helped me enormously too. And listing all the things I loved to do that I didn’t with him: travel, theatre, live music, reading etc. One safari trip, Iceland visit, California visit, lots of theatre visits and two Latitude trips later, life is bloody good. And I got a tattoo aged 49 🤣

Even if you hate your ex and have total financial security, a divorce must still leave its mark on you. I doubt there are too may people who just brush it off happily.

I'm not as financially well off and am about to have to find a new job in a new sector in my mid-50s, but honestly, if I was with my ex it would be so much worse! I have a bf who's much more supportive, I had therapy, time has passed, and life is better without my exh alternately letting me down and gaslighting me.

Financial resolution via court is just around the corner and I’m hoping this will give me the closure and ability to move on with my life that I need.
Not long now then. Block the arse on social media. How old are the kids and dogs?

I really feel for you OP, it's awful having to watch your ex looking like he's having the best time.
But I can tell you he is really going to regret it.
40 years on from my ex moving out, paying zero maintenance ever, never seeing DS I am very successful, good career, great pension, nice house that's nearly paid for, i speak to DS every day.
My ex is a lonely sad old man, the women don't fancy him any more and he can't find a partner, he doesn't own his own home, he has no career, he contacted DS who told him he wanted nothing to do with him.
Thats what happens when you abandon your children and family and play around.

Stop looking at his social media, you'll feel much better.
Make yourself & dc the priority, take time to do simple things with them that they like. Get therapy. You'll never look back.

Thats what happens when you abandon your children and family and play around.
Not always; my ex will have his own home and I won't, his career is going fine after I wfh for years and was able to look after the kids (freeing him up to work all hours). And his children have stayed in touch with him; he has the old family home so they live there when visiting town. I doubt he'll end up a lonely old man as he's solvent and decent looking. Admittedly, it seems he is having trouble persuading grown women to stay with him too long, as they are better at spotting his flaws than I was when young. I hope no-one else ends up on the receiving end of his gaslighting, but if he does manage to find someone who's happy with him then it will be nice for the kids to know their dad has someone to keep him occupied. Otherwise, not my issue any more.