To send this letter or not ?!

[indieray]

I need some opinions please

•would send a letter to a very close family member detailing how they played a significant part in causing you trauma as a child and how it shaped your life and now you want to move on.
•The letter details how event that was very traumatic and they play a role in the event went onto to cause a lot of pain and deep anger. It is not nasty or offensive it jus outlines what they did as they have never addressed it before as and adult and as part of therapy it feels like the right thing to do, to address it and to get closure for this person & move on.
•the recipient has outlined to other family members that this peeps one day 'have a chat' with them.
• the person writing the letter will also detail that they still want a relationship with them just a civil one if that as this event happened 20+ years ago.

Person who sending the letter has asked recipient not to disclose the private letter to other family members as it solely is between the two parties. But is worried that they will get upset say something to them
& it will affect the relationship they have with the wider family i.e that persons brothers/sisters & their children as they closely involved in their everyday lives and activities.
the person writing the letter has tried just writing and not sending it but feels they aren't being true to themselves and has to get it out there to that person.
Any opinions would be so greatly appreciated

Write the letter but do not send it.

If you do feel you must send it think very carefully about whether the fallout will make you feel better or worse. It is likely to generate wider family discomfort whilst not making you feel any better. Then you will have more top contend with.

We all have to grit our teeth with some others, family or not, and as long as you are not together a lot, then there is much to be said for biting your tongue. There is often an element of pretence in our dealings with others for the sake of piling the wheels. Avoid contact where possible, and where unavoidable keep your distance.

Close family members have also said to not send the letter. I have decided I will be not sending the letter but I will be contacting said person and asking for a one on one conversation to get this off my chest and move on as best I can Thankyou all

That’s a good decision OP, and a brave one. Come back if you need to talk about how it went.

But “getting it off your chest” is really unlikely to do anything for you except stir it all up again. If this person felt they’d done something wrong, they’d have made amends 20 years ago.

All you’re doing is loading your angst onto someone else. And that rarely works.

I used to dislike the phrase “It is what it is”. But I think in this situation you need to just let it go.

It's not about the other party. I couldn't care less about their own opinions feelings etc whether they feel remorse or not. It's just for me , and getting it out off my chest. It has to be this way. I've tried every other avenue, this is about my future now my healing. And how they did me wrong I will never forget but I just need to
Be heard as a pp suggested.
I will check
Back once I do this.
Thanks all for your advice it means alot x

I would say write it, say in “Notes” on your device.
Keep adding to it as thoughts occur, or you read things elsewhere that resonate.
Don’t send it
Eventually you will hopefully reach resolution or your own peace and acceptance of the situation.

(I have probably 6 such notes, 5 of which have been resolved slowly this way)

I think that * needs to look at things a bit more realistically before making a decision on this.
is telling someone that they have ruined 's life because of something they did when * was a child.
needs to realise that, regardless of how true it is, or how nicely states the facts, that someone is definitely going to find *' s words as offensive and realistically going to feel and think that those offensive words are nasty.
Also there's a very good chance that someone will talk to other members of the family in order to persuade them to take sides because that is how human nature works.

That's quite interesting, it seems that if you start a sentence with the following words in the sentence become a bold font. perhaps this is a feature.