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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

What does ex mean?

6 replies

Daisyheart · 06/08/2023 15:57

Me and ex broke up few weeks ago but kept in contact. Hes been dropping hints about meeting so I asked outright what he wanted as it was confusing. I said I wanted to draw a line under arguing as it was toxic. He said he agrees, misses me and wants to meet but he wants to leave things, doesn't want to fight just for us to understand eachother. I asked if he means getting back together and no response. I haven't told him I miss him too. What does he mean?

OP posts:
perfectcolourfound · 06/08/2023 16:16

A relationship shouldn't be hard work. It shouldn't be about misunderstandings, arguements, splitting up then getting back together, wondering what the other person is thinking, what they really mean.

You split up, presumably for a reason. Whatever that reason was, it likely still exists. So it's best left in the past. Don't worry about what he means, or what he's thinking. It's what YOU think, what YOU want, what's good for YOU that matters.

It sounds as though you want to get back with him, and you're reading that in to what he's saying, but he hasn't explicitly said it. Without knowing the personalities, it's impossible to comment on what it could mean. He could be tentatively seeing if you're open to trying again, without saying it. He could be messing with you head for fun or because he enjoys having control over you. He could be seeing if he could get you back, to feed his ego. He could be testing you out for a booty call (while carefully lining you up not to argue with him or he'll drop you again).

You know him. You know which of the above is more likely.

All I know is, a good relationship isn't hard work. And if someone really likes you, you know it.

AntiSocial6DaysAWeek · 06/08/2023 16:18

It really doesn't matter what he means.

You've used the word toxic so that's what your relationship would have been.

I know it feels comfortable when you have had a long term relationship with someone but it didn't work for a reason.

You need to cut him off and look after yourself. He is not accepting your boundaries, you have finished it. All head games.

Daisyheart · 07/08/2023 11:53

He was treating me poorly especially jn regards to other women so I ended it. I miss him but know going back won't work as he refuses to change. I think he wants the status quo of getting back but he can continue his bad behaviour.

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GreyCarpet · 07/08/2023 13:37

He was treating me poorly especially jn regards to other women so I ended it.

Well that's not going to change is it?

Tbh, I wouldn't meet him.

Too easy to be coerced into getting back together for the smoke and mirrors of emotional deflection.

You know who he is, what he likes and what he wants. I can't see any benefit to you of meeting with him.

VeridicalVagabond · 07/08/2023 13:39

He's probably hoping to cop a pity shag from you.

Block him and move on, no good can come from meeting him or even talking to him now.

Daisyheart · 09/08/2023 10:24

I keep asking what does he want to talk about and he says a talk??

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