Why do I feel so guilty?

[Herewegoagain154]

I’ve been apart from my abusive ex for 4 months - I done really well of keeping strong and not going back.
last night I got drunk , he saw me upset and gave me a cuddle. One thing led to another and I ended up sleeping with him.
I now feel so guilty for letting him back in - we’re not getting back together but I feel embarrassed in myself for letting this happen

Yeah that was a silly thing to do.. but it’s done now. Why are you still in contact with him? Why was there opportunity for him to cuddle you? Don’t put yourself in that situation

Oh well whats done is done. Remove him from your life again, block on everything and be careful when drinking alcohol. Bottle this feeling so next time you’re tempted to go there, you will remember your regret/guilt etc

I agree with @babybopella. It’s done and can’t be undone. Alcohol is responsible for many of our bad decisions. Just learn from it and don’t put yourself in that position again. Remind yourself that this will hardly matter in 5weeks, 5 months, five years.

The important thing is that you know you won’t go back. Imagine what you would say if this was a friend who had done this. Forgive yourself and move on. It’s just a tiny blip on your journey to a better life.

We're not free from our abusers the moment we end the relationship. Their grip on us is so strong it takes a very long time, sometimes even years, to fully be out of their grip.

It takes women on average 7 attempts to leave an abusive partner for good, so be thankful the only mistake you made was sleeping with him, and not getting back together.

Do you have kids together? If not, you need to completely stop all contact.

Also, have you done the Freedom Programme?

Thank you

@yellowsmileyface I’m on the waiting list for it - I’m in contact with a domestic abuse charity at the moment. I just feel like by making this mistake I’ve made a mockery out of the help I’ve been getting.

@babybopella were in the process of sharing our house while it’s being sold so unfortunately it was just a rare cross of paths

dont dwell on it. Like pp says it takes women a long time to leave an abuser sometimes. It took me probably about 10 times!! Just concentrate on getting out of it and try not to be in a situation where that could happen again.

I just feel like by making this mistake I’ve made a mockery out of the help I’ve been getting.

No one expects you to be handling this perfectly, otherwise you wouldn't need help in the first place.

I can understand why you're feeling bad, but the other side of this is your ex basically took advantage of a situation whilst you were drunk. Whilst I think it's good to take some responsibility, this isn't all on you.

“No one expects you to be handling this perfectly, otherwise you wouldn't need help in the first place.

I can understand why you're feeling bad, but the other side of this is your ex basically took advantage of a situation whilst you were drunk. Whilst I think it's good to take some responsibility, this isn't all on you.”

This with bells on. Make this mistake work for you: let it make you determined to be more vigilant around him while you still have to share a home. Probably best to keep away from alcohol for now. Onwards and upwards, OP.