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Original poster

In my first relationship, I’m kinda exhausted.

34 replies

WhatDoIKnowAboutThis · 06/08/2023 06:48

Maybe.
I really don’t know.

I don’t know what relationships on average are like, but I’m just overwhelmed.
He talks, A LOT. About everything: his job, friends, about his mom and sister not getting on.
How much am I supposed to care? Does anyone?

He touches me, A LOT.
If it’s not holding my, it’s my thigh or my hair. And trying to move it towards sex, A LOT.

I don’t know what happened.
I knew him before, he was calm, not needy, quiet getleman, independent before we started going out.

OP posts:
BackAgainstWall · 06/08/2023 19:36

He sounds way too much in all respects.

He’s also a sex pest, touching and pawing at you, which to me would be a complete turn-off.

If it doesn’t feel right it’s definitely not right, and you shouldn’t be trying to convince yourself it is right.

Instincts and feelings are there to protect you.

Theredfoxfliesatmidnight · 06/08/2023 20:16

Yeah, men and their constant pawing and need for attention is boring. We're supposed to never admit this, but it is.

The good news is that if you find someone you're really attracted to, you mind less. (Until you reach 45, then all the hormones that made you dumb to this nonsense in the first place disappear. Then you feel the urge to kill them all over again.)

Happy dating!!

GettingStuffed · 06/08/2023 20:19

That touching depends on how you feel about it. DH still strokes my boobs or bum if I walk past. We've been married for 35 years next week and I love that he still finds me attractive.

Ilovelurchers · 06/08/2023 20:27

Theredfoxfliesatmidnight · 06/08/2023 20:16

Yeah, men and their constant pawing and need for attention is boring. We're supposed to never admit this, but it is.

The good news is that if you find someone you're really attracted to, you mind less. (Until you reach 45, then all the hormones that made you dumb to this nonsense in the first place disappear. Then you feel the urge to kill them all over again.)

Happy dating!!

It's not a male/female thing I don't think - I'm female and love sex (now at 45 I love it more than ever) and love to constantly touch my partner when it's appropriate to do so, and providing they are I to it of course.

I have had at least one male ex who didn't like being touched, apart from when we were having sex (and that dwindled quite quickly too).

So OP, if you are not keen on too much physical contact from a partner, you may well find a man who feels the same. As for your being too ugly for people to want to be with you - this can't be true, because what is attractive is subjective, and only very slightly based on looks - I have been wildly attracted to people in the past who are the opposite of conventionally attractive, lookswise. So it's possible that your beliefs about this may have become self fulfilling. And now that you know people CAN find you attractive, perhaps this could be the boost you need. Perhaps move on from this one - sounds like you are incompatible - but with some new confidence in your own attractiveness (clearly he can't get enough of you, so why shouldn't others feel the same?) Get out there and meet someone you yourself are attracted to! If you want.

Good luck!

gannett · 06/08/2023 20:39

Theredfoxfliesatmidnight · 06/08/2023 20:16

Yeah, men and their constant pawing and need for attention is boring. We're supposed to never admit this, but it is.

The good news is that if you find someone you're really attracted to, you mind less. (Until you reach 45, then all the hormones that made you dumb to this nonsense in the first place disappear. Then you feel the urge to kill them all over again.)

Happy dating!!

Well the other extreme from "constant pawing" is "he never touches me/compliments me" which we get multiple threads per week about too.

I'm not especially tactile but I like it when DP touches me in passing, and I like touching his body as well because it's a nice body. What matters are boundaries (whatever your own personal ones are). A man who touches you because he finds you attractive is great. A man who won't stop touching you when you say you're not in the mood is awful. The right and wrong isn't in the touching, it's in his respect for you.

Also the most tactile person I've ever known was a woman. Huggy and kissy with all her friends and my goodness, her PDAs with her boyfriends. She was definitely the one pawing at them and that was in public! To be fair they never seemed to mind that much and ultimately I thought it was quite sweet.

TheJRTwontLetMeBe · 06/08/2023 20:57

Thisisworsethananticpated · 06/08/2023 09:26

He sounds very normal
no red flags 🚩

but ! It’s irritating YOU
so on that level you maybe need a different type ??

Normal? So boring incessant chat and being pawed at constantly is to be expected in a relationship is it?

Sorry OP, he sounds like a bore and a sex pest. I don't blame you for having the ick.

Original poster
WhatDoIKnowAboutThis · 07/08/2023 06:05

GettingStuffed · 06/08/2023 20:19

That touching depends on how you feel about it. DH still strokes my boobs or bum if I walk past. We've been married for 35 years next week and I love that he still finds me attractive.

I would definitely hate this.
No, his not this bad - never done this (and better never do 😆), I wouldn’t like what your husband does at all, but personally I don’t see that as a compliment.

Bf just wants to always sit squished into together, cuddling it’s probably what it’s called.
Always holding hands if were walking etc.

OP posts:
commonsense12 · 18/04/2024 03:25

Prelapsarianhag · 06/08/2023 13:53

He's a boring twattish sex pest, move on.

what an earth are you on about

JeysusH · 18/04/2024 03:48

WhatDoIKnowAboutThis · 07/08/2023 06:05

I would definitely hate this.
No, his not this bad - never done this (and better never do 😆), I wouldn’t like what your husband does at all, but personally I don’t see that as a compliment.

Bf just wants to always sit squished into together, cuddling it’s probably what it’s called.
Always holding hands if were walking etc.

Show quote history

I'm not ok with casual touch. I have a big 'no touch' around me. And that's ok. I've been married for 20 years and my husband and children know this.

BUT I have an intimate relationship with them all, I BF my children for three years each, I have a good sexual relationship with my husband. We touch. But on my terms, and that's fine. It's ok to maintain physical boundaries.

I'm fine with touching and physicality. Just let me know.

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