Online date - he is nice - am I mad?

[OnlineExxxcitement]

Hey,

Just wanted somewhere to vent , be talked down, hear other experiences? I searched for the thread where people shared OLD experiences but I can't find it - is it still going? Potential men were called irons on it I recall?

Anyway I met a a guy last week ... we have had two very long dates and both said we like one another. I appreciate it sounds crazy ... I have done OLD for ages and have taken a several breaks in between and been single for over a year or two now and been very happy. I am also familiar with love bombing etc. But.....

This guy seems great. He is so sweet, I feel so secure with him and it seems I am his type. I like him and can see some potential problems (e.g. the reality of being a mother with a full on job who dates a guy with no kids and a stress free job, and the fact he is vv laid back whilst I am more intense and up and down, and the fact we have very different jobs and life experiences like he didn't go to university, isnt into politics etc and I have etc). BUT....

This just feels so right and comfortable. I can be completely myself around him, he seems to accept my appearance for what it is with no pressure to be anything different etc. I like the fact he is so chill, I like that trait and the positive way he could enhance my life and I his. We aren't opposites and share interests too..

I'm just shocked after years and years of terrible dates, awful men, relationships that were forced but ultimately crumbled.... is this just the one?!?! Have I finally had some LUCK?!?!?!..!

I'm not planning on doing anything stupid or rushing in but ... perhaps this is right?!?!

Has anyone else met someone and knew from the off they were a perfect long term match?!

How do I stay calm and not get over excited??

All sounds very nice - you can only play it by ear and see what comes up later about him. You don’t know him yet - it’s way to early and off course people meet each other and think “they are the one” - just enjoy it. Look at his actions and whether they are consistent to his words.
The totally laid back personality- may turn out to be a lazy sod who takes no responsibility 😁it’s time that will tell. Good luck

From experience of meeting a long term relationship online, you do know when you meet someone you click with. It’s almost instant.

Go with the flow, enjoy it and don’t look back.

many on here might come up with horror stories but sometimes, you do find the big one. It’s not luck, it’s just meant to be. 😋

I met my husband on OLD and I knew there and then we were right for each other . Married almost ten years now ! Enjoy your time dating and take things slowly , I hope it all works out 😊

If things are going to work out then how you're feeling now is a great start, but try not to let yourself get ahead of yourself, as it's only been two dates, and it seems too early to be making judgments like "he accepts my appearance for what it is" as of course he will after two dates!... even abusers and bastards don't tend to criticise a woman's appearance on the second date!

For your own sake, don't let yourself get carried away here after such a very, very short time, especially for OLD, and presumably you don't know how he feels yet. Plenty of men will give good out vibes in the very early days, but not be interested in developing a relationship, or he may not feel the same as you do (and I've been on both sides of that)

What I learnt from my online dating is not to get ahead of yourself. Just go date to date and get to know him. It's too early to be thinking if he is the right one. Don't create a fairytale in your head, concentrate on reality. On my 1st date with my now husband I felt mental connection with him, it was flowing and I observed how he actually listened to what I said and took notice of it. For me it was about finding out if he had traits and qualities I wanted in a man and really getting to know him before I let my feelings get involved. Good luck!

Anyone who thinks after 2 dates a person could be 'the one' isn't looking at the big picture and relying heavily on an emotional and/or physical response. You can't know enough yet and you probably don't have proof that what has been shared is fact. Also, if not slept together yet, that could be a game changer.
I doubt it's possible to know someone is 'the one' ( there are many 'ones' possible) until you've met family and friends, stayed in each others places, had a successful holiday together etc.
Not saying he won't turn into your forever guy, but it's clearly way too soon. Sometimes it can be that there's so much dross OLDing, that someone way above them in comparison appears a breath of fresh air - but not necessarily going to be ideal either. Only time and experience will tell. So enjoy getting through all the stages before you can say he's a keeper and hopefully vice/versa.

Date and have fun with this guy.
Its been a week, chill!

It’s here 😊
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/4846905-dating-thread-242-mid-summer-daters?page=5&reply=127845631

but I agree you need to and must CHILL

it’s true that you can start messaging and meet and there is chemistry and you click
you fancy them and you feel right with them

and he likely feels same ! OLD is the same challenge for men and women

but don’t put all your emotional eggs in one basket too fast and start making anyone the Center of your world too fast

you get on and proceed
but remember real life will come in and he will have flaws and road blocks will arise

and enjoy !

I agree with the others! You've only been seeing him a very very short time, and you don't know him yet. The fact he is so laid-back might be great or it might be irritating. You might have disagreements about politics. He might get irritated by your restrictions with children. He might not parent in the way you want. You don't know any of this yet so you need to spend a lot of time getting to know him properly.

how lovely! Enjoy it. But take it easy. I was dumped by a guy who I was head over heels for and thought he would be the one. I was very wrong.

Yes, I had this, guy was amazing and seemed really into me. Saw each other for 6 weeks, great chemistry, amazing sex. He lives in a different country but in my city regularly for business. Went back to his home county for august, saying he’d either come and visit for a few days just to see me, or we could go away somewhere for a few days together. Not heard from him in a week and he aired my last two messages. Be careful! There’s lots of players out there who are very good at making you fall for them quickly. I’m hindsight there were some red flags but he was so hot I ignored them 😂

I just enjoyed it for what it was and was excited that if I could feel this connection with this person then that feeling of connection exists. It gave me hope that I would find my person, whether it’s him or not.

I got married to mine after two years 🙃

That would have been me and my partner over 10 years ago. I think you can make it work if you take it easy.
I am moving in with him in 3 weeks time when things are right for both of us. Covid was a reason for huge delay but also job redundancies and the usual life events.
It feels right when there"s no pretending and both parties are on the same wavelength.

Thank for you for the thread link @Thisisworsethananticpated

I won't reply to each person directly as it's hard on phone but that you everyone.

You are completely right about the laid backedess @KTSl1964 might turn out to be problematic. Similarly my "quirkiness" which is a novelty now might turn out to be highly irritating for him etc.

I do want to try and control the excitement and chill, it's just so hard to not get swept up. I will try not to let my brain fantasise or create stories and stay grounded in reality and take it day by day. Breathe breathe breathe.

Yknow when you've had such rotten experiences and something just seems positive, it's quite enticing. But I don't want to over prod or poke it and ruin it inadvertently.

He has been honest with me that he likes me and told his friends. This is really refreshing as there is no game playing ... no playing hard to get etc. For my personality that really works as I can be comfortable and completely myself and relaxed - I don't have to play a role which I can sometimes do (social chameleon).

(I am also sneakily taking some hope from the ones who knew from early on...).

OK sorry for rambling..... I will report back in time... and thank you for the luck, I will try and take grounding advice. Etc.

First off, take a step back.

Long dates have a tendency to faster intimacy quickly. They're not usually deliberate love bombing but can have the same influence.

If he seems nice then great, keep seeing him. But short dates over a couple of months.

Laid back can sometimes mean: expects you to do all the wor. Or: needs fast gratification or loses interest as its 'too much hard work'

You gave identified that you might be different I a way that could cause issues. See how this plays out in practice over time.

'He seems to accept my appearance' as opposed to what? Criticising it? I mean accepting your appearance is a low bar anyone dating you should meet lol. Has there been abuse in your last relationship op? Only...it seems as if maybe you don't much like you atm. And that not necessarily the best situation to be in when dating.

Ps: you mention that you've you've known this guy like a week...already had 2 loooong dates and he's told you and (presumably according to him) told his friends that he likes you.

Op...just be careful. This could definately be love bombing.

Could you imagine saying to a guy after 2 dates 'oh yeah I told my friends all about you and that I really like you'. Even if that were true, it wouldn't be an appropriate thing to say to a guy you had had 2 dates with. It's too full on. He'd run a mile. But for some reason women are expected to take creepiness as a compliment.

That being said, maybe I've got the context wrong. Maybe you happened to just meet his mates on one if the dates and he went 'oh hey guys, this is Sarah, she's pretty awesome!'.

But yeah...be aware that telling you they've told their friends about you early on. Is often a tactic to foster intimacy quicker. To mKd you let your guard down.

Yeah I knew within a couple of dates after 3 years of very mental OLD experiences (I was also on the dating thread!). 3 years later and we're due to get married. Actually, we're also different personality wise, but the feeling of security and the total lack of games (to my mind) was the 2 really distinctive features. Good luck! Allow yourself a little excitement!

OP, there are quite a few posts saying how they knew their current partners/husbands were special after a date or two, but this is confirmation bias.

Of course, lots of people who are now in happy healthy relationships will have had the start you had, but they didn't KNOW how the relationship would turn out at the time, however much hindsight tells them so.

Unfortunately, most relationships that feel like this after two dates don't last the course, especially if you've met through OLD and don't have any previous history. All you can say at the moment is that this is a promising start.

It's a bit like you're playing the lottery and the first 4 numbers match the ones on your ticket... Of course you're going to get a bit excited, and of course those who won the lottery had the same experience 4 numbers in and might say "I got 4 numbers just like you and I won the lottery, so it follows you will too!" but that's obviously false logic.

I'm not writing this to piss on your parade, but to give a reality check. I really hope it works out for you though!

Thank you for the reality checks.

I have been single for a few years but I have done OLD previoualy so know some of the pitfalls (and my own patterns).

I was coming to accept that I'd be single/alone forever so it's just come as a pleasant surprise and that's made me giddy.

I don't always like myself and do have poor self esteem in some ways but I can't wait until I am "fixed" to date as I don't think I will ever be fixed.

I think he and I both just a little giddy and wary - and maybe similarly inexperienced/sensible. So at least we are on an equal footing. I really dont think he is playing me intentionally. I will let you know. Seeing him next week.