Why does it hurt so much?

[BlastedPimples]

Stbxh recently admitted he's had a few affairs during our marriage of 20 years. He described them as having "Made emotional connections" when he felt I was remote from him. I knew of one definite affair.

He's currently living with his latest AP.

We are getting divorced. I hope to never have to see him again.

It hurts so so much. All lies. All deceit. Are all men like this? I just struggle with the hurt and it's actually painful. I cry a lot even though I want this divorce.

Of course you’re upset, it’s awful to be told such things. What a cruel bastard he is. Bless you, it’s absolutely fine to sob your heart out. Look after yourself, treat yourself gently and kindly and sometime soon things won’t look so bleak. 💐

I'm so sorry. What an absolute twat. Is there any reason for him to suddenly admit to this?. I really hope ur ok.

Not all men are like this. I'm so sorry. What a pathetic man.

I'm so sorry

It hurts because of what you've lost - what you thought you had, the future

But it won't hurt like this forever.

I can't imagine feeling better. Years and years of marriage. And he just fucks around and then is sad when I say I'd rather never see him again because he is a source of pain and great sadness for me.

I am now 52 and I feel Ike it's over me for apart from the dcs. And I don't want to be desolate around them.

I remember reading a book as a kid where the mother says to her unfaithful husband, "I gave you the best years of my life." And thinking even then why would the husband even care, why would anyone care that she'd done that because he had already benefitted and taken them. It was done and nothing could make it better for her.

I don't want to be the woman who makes it better for herself by finding another partner. I want to make it better for me by myself. I don't think I can really. Well, at least I don't know how.

I want to not care what he thinks for example, if I never found another partner, my stbxh would regard this as a failure on my part, another illustration of my inability to connect meaningfully in a relationship.

You don't have to make it better by yourself. There are good men out there.

He's the one with the inability to connect.

Also who cares what your ex thinks. He's a lying lowlife and that's no reflection on you.

Take one day at a time, focus on yourself.

Don’t think about the next man, about future relationships. You’re not at that stage yet.

It’s bloody awful. Devastating. But it will get better with time. I expect you want to be able to fast forward through time to get to a point where you feel better. It’s ok to feel like that.

I’m five years on from a similar scenario, and it’s been hard. It took me two years to feel like I could lift my head again. Since then my life has felt good. I’m glad to be free of a cheating, lying cunt. I’m living the way I want to live. No walking on eggshells, no compromises, no constant worrying about where he is and what he’s up to.

The advice I had here stayed with me: time is a great healer, this too shall pass, focus on yourself.

Do you have supportive family and friends? Would you consider therapy?

if I never found another partner, my stbxh would regard this as a failure on my part,

He's the failure, he couldn't be an honest and decent person.

Is there anything I can proactively do to make it better?