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Original poster

How did you cope as your children became teenagers

8 replies

sosally · 06/08/2023 00:57

Just that really. My eldest is about to go travelling for a year. My 16 year old daughter now has a bf who is everything to her.
I'm happy for them. Also they've just grown up all of a sudden or time has just somehow flown.
Neither of them need me so much now which is great as I have this new found independence, I've never had that. I spent half my life worrying about childcare so I could do my degree and then work.
But now I feel such a loss...it was always just me and them, now it's just me. This is fine but I don't know what to do with my future. It's always been about them.. I'm a single mum and been a mum since I was 19 with a 8 year age gap, so most my adult life.
I'm not worried about being alone I'm just sad my children don't need me like they did anymore, I know I'm being silly but my heart aches.

OP posts:
MrsDude · 06/08/2023 01:10

I hear you! I’m a single parent and have been for the last 8 years, my life totally revolves around my kids, I have lots of friends, hobbies etc. but my home life is very busy with kids clubs etc. my eldest is now 15 and is out with his mates all the time which leaves me and my 10 year old at home, it’s such an adjustment, just the two of us pottering together, I miss the three way dynamic so much! I’m behind you by a few years but feeling my future already, big hugs x

UsingChangeofName · 06/08/2023 01:18

You'll come to realise they do still need you, but just in different ways.
The same as your 'junior' age dc needed you, but it was different from when they were babies.
Even once they get into their 20s, they need you - in fact, more so as they realise they can ask you things about "adulting".

Original poster
sosally · 06/08/2023 01:28

MrsDude · 06/08/2023 01:10

I hear you! I’m a single parent and have been for the last 8 years, my life totally revolves around my kids, I have lots of friends, hobbies etc. but my home life is very busy with kids clubs etc. my eldest is now 15 and is out with his mates all the time which leaves me and my 10 year old at home, it’s such an adjustment, just the two of us pottering together, I miss the three way dynamic so much! I’m behind you by a few years but feeling my future already, big hugs x

Thank you! It's tough, I was always told it goes so quickly and it seemed never ending when they were small. But now the last three years have gone.

OP posts:
Original poster
sosally · 06/08/2023 01:29

UsingChangeofName · 06/08/2023 01:18

You'll come to realise they do still need you, but just in different ways.
The same as your 'junior' age dc needed you, but it was different from when they were babies.
Even once they get into their 20s, they need you - in fact, more so as they realise they can ask you things about "adulting".

Thank you.
Yes I think we will always be close. But at the moment they are both leaving me in different ways. I know this is normal and good for them though.

OP posts:
fullbloom87 · 06/08/2023 01:33

I get it. Mine are 10,13 and 17. All girls.
3 years ago before covid they seemed so young. I was still in thick of it with being a mummy.
They're not quite grown up like your eldest and none of them have boyfriends but they are now more independent and don't really need me in the same way. No more bedtime stories or toys anymore and I know in s flash they'll be leaving the nest.
Hugs to you xx

Original poster
sosally · 06/08/2023 01:40

fullbloom87 · 06/08/2023 01:33

I get it. Mine are 10,13 and 17. All girls.
3 years ago before covid they seemed so young. I was still in thick of it with being a mummy.
They're not quite grown up like your eldest and none of them have boyfriends but they are now more independent and don't really need me in the same way. No more bedtime stories or toys anymore and I know in s flash they'll be leaving the nest.
Hugs to you xx

Thank you, I think covid weirdly speeded time up somehow, maybe because we didn't do as much.
One minute they are little and the next all grown up. It's a hard transition as a parent I think. I was quite young when I had them so most of my friends aren't at the same stage so it's difficult for them to understand

OP posts:
thaegumathteth · 06/08/2023 02:03

I get it. Mine are 16 and almost 13 and I had them straight out of Uni so I never had a proper adult life without them if that makes sense? Feel a bit like I don't know who I am?

Ds is planning on going to Uni next September - he'll be 17 and I don't even like thinking of it.

Dd is still quite young for 13 but I know things will change soon and as much as I try and soak her up as she is I can also feel my heart breaking a little bit.

Logically I know all this is good. We are meant to arm them to face the world and I'm proud of the people they are becoming but sometimes I just want them to be babies again.

NeedToChangeName · 15/11/2023 07:32

@sosally how are you now, a few months down the track?

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