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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Husband constantly angry

14 replies

Wafflesandcrepes · 06/08/2023 00:28

Hi all,

I’m really struggling with my husband’s behaviour.

We have gone through a stressful time. My mum died suddenly and unexpectedly earlier on this year, which came a huge shock. I picked myself up and got a new job a few weeks after she died, having just lost my previous job after a burn-out and some extremely unpleasant behaviour I had been subjected to at work.

Since my burn-out, husband has been cold, distant and nasty, constantly reminding me of what I put the family through with the stress I was under at work. In the days after Mum died, I kept bursting into tears and he would say “what now?” for example.

He can’t sit still and is obsessed with going on walks. We’re walking constantly, for miles on end. I’m exhausted. I managed to sit on the sofa this afternoon - for the first time in weeks - and as soon as I had sat down, he was pestering me to go on another fucking walk.

He insists on going to bed late and is then comatose until 9.00am while I wake up at 6.00am, fold the washing, straighten the flat and leave for work.

He’s also developed an obsession with me having ADHD and needed to be diagnosed.

Other strange behaviours is that his driving has gone very bad, very aggressive.

He also talks a lot. He’s almost unstoppable. He will read something and insists on telling me all the minute details very loudly and without taking a breath. This includes when I’m sending emails for work.

He’s driving me mad. I just don’t know what to do.

OP posts:
omgsally · 06/08/2023 00:32

Why do you have to go on all walks with him? What happens if you refuse?

LaGiaconda · 06/08/2023 00:34

It sounds as though he is mentally unwell. Can you spend some time apart, as his behaviour is not helping you? If you tell him you are concerned, will he listen?

PineappleMint · 06/08/2023 00:43

If he hasn’t always been like this, I’d try to persuade him to see his GP. Personality changes are generally worthy of further investigation. If he’s started / changed medication that could be a factor too. I would also be watching closely to see if he could be abusing alcohol or drugs, as his behaviour sounds really strange. If he’s always been kind of like this but you’ve started noticing it more because you’ve been through a rough time and could have used some support and empathy, then honestly I think you deserve better. What you describe is someone controlling and emotionally disengaged at best, actively seeking to hurt you at worst. If this is who he is, you would probably be better off without him. I’m really sorry for everything you’ve been through and you’re not in the least bit unreasonable to be finding him difficult, what you’ve described would have me heading for the door.

Siouxiesiouxiesioux · 06/08/2023 02:39

I agree with other posters that he needs to see his GP. However you may have a job on your hands to persuade him to so.

coodawoodashooda · 06/08/2023 03:21

Your husband is abusive op. None of his behaviour is accidental.

Topseyt123 · 06/08/2023 03:35

He sounds unbearable to me, and totally without empathy.

I'd call his behaviour abuse, personally. I don't think I would be hanging around for more.

greenspaces4peace · 06/08/2023 03:37

Brain changes, I’d discuss with the GP.

KTSl1964 · 06/08/2023 06:11

Poor you - it must be horrendous living with him. Is this behaviour new or has be always been like that or has it escalated. None of it is normal. What happens if you say no to going for a walk which you are entitled to do. He sounds angry - does he work? Is he behaving like this with others? These are all clues to the root cause.
you must be worn out - his behaviour all sounds obsessional -= are there children in the mix? Sorry you lost your mum and had to change jobs. This is a lot to cope with. Do you think you need to see your GP as you are under a lot of pressure at home. 🌺

Oysterbabe · 06/08/2023 06:49

He sounds utterly tedious. What happens if you stand up to him?

I don't feel like going for a walk today.
Please can you talk to me about that later? I need to get this email out.

nolamesallowed · 06/08/2023 09:16

You don't need to live like this OP.

Fraaahnces · 06/08/2023 09:23

This extreme walking, anger and pestering sounds manic, tbh. I think he needs a psychiatric assessment for sure.

PrinceHaz · 06/08/2023 09:26

One adult can’t make another adult do things.
He needs some form of assessment. That aside, more importantly for you, you need an escape plan. Living with him sounds like an utter nightmare.

Prelapsarianhag · 06/08/2023 13:55

He sounds unwell, he also sounds impossible - I would not be able to live with a man like that.

Wibblewombatz · 06/08/2023 14:00

My friend had a H like this with the walking & emotional abuse, it did not end well.

She eventually left but not soon enough to avoid mh issues for her & particularly the oldest dc.

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