I'm sorry but this is a bit of a long post. I'm not sure anyone will reply but just feel like I need to write this all down to process things a bit clearer in my head.
Back drop - I'm kid 30's divorced with 1 child.
My childhood behind closed doors wasn't great, my parents divorced when I was 7 and my mum made sure we all knew that my dad had an affair and she threw him out, she was bitter, restricted us seeing him and had a wave of boyfriends throughout our childhood. On paper i had it al - privately educated, expensive holidays, lots of expensive hobbies and a loving mum who would do anything for her children but to be honest I never had any loving parents, I grew up hating my dad because of my mum and she was cold and unloving. The only parent figure I had in my life was grandparents who I adored.
l met my child's dad around 12 years ago and to begin with we got on great. We married, had a child but with a few month he became abusive towards us. This was physical, emotional and sexual. I left a few times and went to stay with my mum but each time she told me I was over reacting and to go back, which I'm ashamed to say I did. When my child was 2 years old I finally found the courage to leave for good.
Over the years the relationship with my child's dad has improved and we managed to amicable co-patent however it's mainly because I have let things go to avoid further conflict.
The relationship with my mum has been very strained and she just appears to hate me. We've fallen out a number of times but I've always make up with her for the sake of my child.
For example
- the arrangements was always our child would spend 2 nights a week with their dad but my mum then told my ex that he wouldn't have to pay child maintenance if he had my child half the time. So after going backwards and forwards through solicitors (she even paid for his) I agreed to this.
- My ex is taking our child on holiday this year as am I, my mum has bought clothes for the holiday with dad but told him not to let me use them on my holiday.
- my mum was selling some property which was linked to some land that I have in a trust so I signed the land over to her with the promise of payment once the sale went through. She's now refusing to give me any money / I really didn't think I needed to legally protect myself from my own mother
- she's bitter about my child spending time with my dad and makes awful comments and says awful stuff to my child about their grandparent
- she rarely sees my child but thinks because she buys lavish gifts it's okay even though she spends lots of time with other grandchildren.
- when I've spoke to her about how my ex treated me (she's seen the bruises) she's told me I probably deserved it
Also it transpires that my mum was actually the one who had an affair first. So for years I hated my dad for nothing. I'm pleased to say we have found peace now and are closer than ever but I lost so many years because of this,
Anyway hopefully that gives you a bit of a backdrop but the final nail in the coffin has come this week - I haven't spoken to her for a few months due to the money situation but have let her see my child as I don't want their relationship to suffer but she has told me ex (child's dad) that my current partner who I have been happily with for 3 years was still married when I met him, (he was but well under way with divorce) and she's made out I had an affair which had resulted in my ex having a huge go at my and calling me a slag and then trying to spit in my face.
I'm absolutely heart broken that he could do this to the mother of his child but more so than my mum is so bitter and twisted she has to do this. I've cried and cried all day but slowly coming to the realisation that I can't have this women in my life anymore.
So sorry for the long post just needed to get it off my chest. Im not expecting any replies just wanted to get this off my chest