Dating more than one person

[DatingHating]

So I've been single for a couple of years and have learnt that I tend to become a bit too invested in men that I meet which makes me stick around way longer than I should.

It has been suggested that I should date multiple people at the same time so this is less likely to happen. This makes sense but feels alien to me.

Is this an acceptable thing to do? I'm currently seeing someone reasonably regularly but it is more of a hook up situation and is going nowhere so I know I need to move on but am struggling. I've arranged a date with someone else but know I will still potentially for the time being continue with guy A. And should I look at other guys too to avoid simply transfering all my focus on to guy B?

For those that have issues with over investing, is this something that works? How do I play this so I don't feel like I'm doing something I shouldn't?

It seems to be the done thing these days, especially with OLD. I’m not sure I could do it though. I struggle messaging a few men at same time.

Plus I can’t seem to find one man I want to date let alone several 🤣

I think it depends on whether you and your partners have agreed to just date each other or not.

Trust is very important at all stages of a relationship.

Maybe monogamy isn't for you and you should explore the polyamorous world.

I can't multi-date. I just have to over-invest on one person until such time as we break up and suck it up really. Bit like the olden-days

Multi-dating wouldn't make over-investing less likely to happen for me. In the olden-days it was called two-timing

Plus, I wouldn't continue dating them if I didn't have any feelings for them - don't know if I'm weird or what but I can't fancy two people at the same time.

Multi dating = horrible American import

Of course you can.

So is online dating, that's why it's considered "the norm" nowadays

You have to be very open with all your dates about this being what you're doing. Sounds like Mr Hookup could work well alongside more serious dating for a while.

But, in my experience, I will say- there are many who flirt with the idea of non monogamy. There are few whom it genuinely suits.

I wouldn't like to date 2 men at the same time. I'd be worried I'd call one the others name. 😱

Surely it depends on what you're comfortable with? If you're not content with the hook up situation, either move on or start seeing other people if you haven't agreed to be exclusive?

A friend newly single 3yrs after divorce has an FWB who has become a good friend. It is most unlikely that will change to be a closer relationship. Atm it has been stable for about 7 or 8 months. She started dating an old friend who wants to make that relationship closer. My friend values independence and relationship with teen children so is reluctant to look for closer involvement.
She is unsure about keeping FWB.
My advice is carry on with present situation. Date both,

Do you think men are dating only one woman in the beginning? Until you meet someone who you want to definitely get to know better and you see there being potential for something more serious, I don't see multi-dating being an issue. Regarding over-investing, that's typical. You should concentrate on getting to know the person, their traits and qualities, see how they treat you, do you find them mentally interesting etc. even if you fancy them put that aside as often it stops you paying attention to all those other important things. On early dates you should only really decide if you want to meet the person again. Then meet them again.

It seems to be acceptable with OLD but personally I couldn’t date more than one person at once. If this guy is only interested in a hook up and you’re not, end it and go on date with the next one.

Do you want to spend the rest of your life with Mr Hook Up? I have been there and much as I was attached I dumped him to concentrate on Mr New who is now my H. In the end I had to block him as he would keep messaging. The less available you are the more they want you. What do you want for a future?

That's the problem. I'm more than happy with the fwb situation but I have developed feelings. He messes me about all the time. The benefit is all very one way. I struggle to move on even though the red flags are slapping me in the face. I have a habit of ignoring red flags. I worry if I simply move on I will simply just jump into guy B whether he is right for me or not. I'm a year in already with guy A!!! It was suggested that multidating may be a way for me to limit my focus so I only move forward with someone if they truly are good for me! I see the sense in that but I too struggle with the idea.

I am giving it a try. I have a date lined up. Feel like I'm cheating even though fwb has left me on read again and is constantly on dating apps himself! I'm also chatting with someone else and feel awful even though I've not even met guy B yet. Maybe I'm just not cut out for it 😩

Give it a try and then you know if it works for you. Guy A is wasting your time anyway as he doesn't want anything serious with you. You don't owe anything to him. Good luck and have fun!

“I worry if I simply move on I will simply just jump into guy B whether he is right for me or not.”

Do it! Your current guy isn’t the right one for you and you know this. But the next one might be. Nobody can predict who is right for them before they’ve tried them on for size!

Break up with man A. Then do some work with yourself before you start dating. You’re willingly staying with a man who messes you around, in an arrangement you don’t want; you’ve a habit of ignoring red flags; you worry that you’ll jump in headfirst with a new man even if he isn’t right for you. You aren’t in a good position to be dating. The sort of men you’ll attract are those who can sniff out a lonely woman who’s craving affection and take advantage of that, and if you’re no good at spotting the warning signs you’re going to get hurt. The decent men will shy away from your over investing, they know over investing isn’t a positive trait and that it doesn’t indicate healthy boundaries and good self esteem.