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Original poster

Best friends affair

16 replies

SrahJane · 05/08/2023 18:06

Hi all , i am extremely close with my best friend, we are more like family and i am like an aunty to her children. About 4 years ago she left her husband, but was having an affair with the man first. She treated her husband terribly and even her parenting was not up to par during this time. She stay with the guy around 2 years and moved herself and the children in with them. I had made it clear at the time i was disappointed in her and her behaviour, and i was not happy about the way she treated her husband and kids. Now fast forward 4 years she is single again, she was trying to get back in her husbands good books, and making effort with him. She told him she still loves him and he said he needs time. Which i think is fair...... But now i have just found out she is seeing a married man from her work! He has a wife and 2 young children. I honestly think i am done with the friendship with her, she thinks nothing of going and blowing up peoples lives. It is like she does not care who she hurts as long as she gets her own way. I am so close to trying to find out who the wife is and letting her know. I am done with the friendship, she is not a nice person. I just needed to vent

OP posts:
Mensuckbigtime · 05/08/2023 18:16

Hey, I'm sorry to say this, but your friends sounds awful.

I've been at the receiving end of an affair and it's awful to have to go through and I really wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy (obviously I hope that my ExH OW cheats on him...).

I think it's crystal clear that you have a very different morale compass and I understand why you feel.like you can't be friends anymore.

Having an affair once, bad enough. Doing other again, just evil.

I think you should also let her ExH know that he's being played by her.

It.would.be awful if he was to get hurt by her again.

What a horrible person.

I'd say, bin her.

Original poster
SrahJane · 05/08/2023 18:29

Hi Mensuckbigtime, like the user name. I am sorry to hear about what you have been through. I just don't understand how anyone could do that to a family, we all know as women what we have to sometimes sacrifice and we put our children and partners needs before our own, so to be cheated on is such a cruel way to treat someone. I am done with her, like you say twice is no mistake. It is clear that this is the person she is. I can't see her husband be treated like this again, i will let him know what is happening and to stay away from her. I want to tell the new mans wife also. If it was me, i would want to know. I just can't believe i though i knew her, i never thought she was capable of this. I am so disappointed and disgusted in her. I feel very sad about it all.

OP posts:
Mensuckbigtime · 05/08/2023 18:44

I guess in a way you're a victim of her.deceipt as well and you have to grieve your friendship and reconcile the person that you thought you knew with the person she is.

That's really hard.

I think you're also showing real character by letting her ex and the wife of the new AP know...

I feel.sorry for her in a way, she Will lose a lot of people if she carries on like this.

Have you confronted her about her recent affair?

pastypirate · 05/08/2023 19:14

Op I really sympathise. I took a huge step back from a treasured friend when they did this. Saved my mh in the end. I wasn't the only one either and it changed my social group a lot which was really sad in some ways. I notice in the years after that she seemed to honeymoon with friends and then move on which was quite telling.

I've learned as you get older it's about what you can put up with.

Rathouse · 05/08/2023 19:17

I wouldn't tell the wife. If you want to end your friendship absolutely end it.

Rockyroad101 · 05/08/2023 19:32

I’ve been in a situation like this - my best friend who is like family really, has been and is still seeing a married man. She has completely caused chaos for his family. She doesn’t seem to think anything of it, and laughs at the term ‘homewrecker’. It’s as though it’s giving her some sort of status over his wife, his children. He is also 20 years older than her. As a married woman, I think it’s deplorable what she’s doing. But, I hold my tongue as I don’t feel really it’s any of my business. I try to keep out of conversations with her about it etc, I know telling her what I really think is not going to make one ounce of difference. What I do is keep away from all convos, or if she asks me for advice, I try to just avoid the msg and play it down later.‘I understand how you feel.

EineReiseDurchDieZeit · 05/08/2023 19:38

I ended a best friend relationship over duplicity

You do grieve even though it's right

Original poster
SrahJane · 05/08/2023 20:32

I have confronted her, but all i get are lies upon more lies. And I just cant be there for her anymore . It does affect my MH and i end up not sleeping because i am thinking about how many people she is hurting. i am starting to hate who she is.

OP posts:
Mari9999 · 05/08/2023 20:53

@SrahJane
Your friend sounds as though she needs some help, but in this most recent situation, she is not cheating on the man's wife.The husband is cheating on his wife .

Your friend may not be a good partner, but has she been a good friend to you?

You gain nothing by telling the man's wife. If you think that your friend is damaging a family by being involved with the father, you have no way of knowing how your disclosure might impact the family.

If you have decided that your friend's flaws are such that you can no longer be her friend, then you should end the friendship. What you should not do is assume the role of an avenging angel.

BackAgainstWall · 05/08/2023 22:01

I think you should sever the friendship. There’s nothing nice or positive about it.

Simply put she’s a very bad character and it’s somewhere deep rooted in her genes.

I would definitely tell her ex husband and I would also tell her poor affair partner’s wife.

Why shouldn’t she pay for the carnage she’s enjoying causing. She deserves nothing less.

drpet49 · 05/08/2023 22:45

BackAgainstWall · 05/08/2023 22:01

I think you should sever the friendship. There’s nothing nice or positive about it.

Simply put she’s a very bad character and it’s somewhere deep rooted in her genes.

I would definitely tell her ex husband and I would also tell her poor affair partner’s wife.

Why shouldn’t she pay for the carnage she’s enjoying causing. She deserves nothing less.

This

Susieb2023 · 06/08/2023 07:45

I also think @BackAgainstWall summed up my view on this.

If this is starting to cause you sleepless nights then I really think you need to call time in your friendship. I personally couldn’t maintain a friendship with someone who is assisting a man in taking his wife’s personal agency and right to informed sexual consent. She’s basically supporting his abuse of his wife. I’d also try and find out and let the wife and her ex husband know.

I am sorry though I can imagine how much it hurts to realise she’s not who you thought she was.

hotchocandtwosmokybacon · 07/08/2023 21:48

I would definitely tell the ex husband. It is so sad seeing someone hurt by the same person twice! Your friend seems to enjoy the chase of thrill and duplicity, you cannot change her. Since it's causing you stress, you should distance yourself from her.

Mari9999 · 07/08/2023 22:38

@drpet49 and @BackAgainstWall
Who has appointed the OP the pay master? She has no idea what kind of arrangement that the cheater and his wife may have, and her disclosure may cause as much carnage and damage as the husband's cheating.

When you have no idea of what is going on within a relationship, invasive disclosure does not always put you on the side of the angels.

BlastedPimples · 09/08/2023 08:34

The cheating married man is the real problem here.

Although I couldn't be friends with anyone who enabled skanky adulterers.

Tweedlelove · 09/08/2023 08:46

Hurt people, hurt people. There is clearly more going on for her than she is admitting. Why is she craving excitement/attention I wonder. If she was my friend I would be asking about counselling.

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