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Original poster

Arguments with visiting DM

10 replies

Eyecyle · 05/08/2023 16:32

Just moved into a new house, my first house that I’ve rented solo - previously was all flatshares. DM has come down to visit and it’s been rubbish.

I’ve been stressed with work (working very long hours and exhausted) so have probably been grumpy and difficult. Resent that she has taken over a bit though - eg buying random food items and leaving them in cupboard, freezing chicken from the supermarket and filing my freezer (I don’t eat chicken!), using my expensive mugs to freeze items in the freezer for me etc.

I get that she is doing all this to help but today she put my clothes away but in random places, eg underwear in my bedside drawer et. Etc. it’s not helpful!

if I ask her not to do it, she will quietly cry. I can’t!! I’m so tired and she has always been this way, sorry is not a part of her vocabulary.

I have just been on holiday and brought back some posh chocs and hid them away to have another time. Came into the room to see her and my sister unwrapping them… I can’t!!

OP posts:
MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 05/08/2023 16:36

Can't you tell her to go out and enjoy herself and you've got the housekeeping/shopping thing? (what's she putting in mugs to go in the freezer??)

Quiet crying, though...the ultimate in guilt tripping.

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 05/08/2023 16:36

And I'd have been taking the chocs back and telling them that those are mine. Do they always over step with you?

SilverTotoro · 05/08/2023 16:42

Take the chocs back and mugs out of the freezer! Ignore any guilt tripping.

Original poster
Eyecyle · 05/08/2023 16:42

Thank you! I did say something about the chocs - they didn’t actually eat them they were just unwrapping them (why?!). I said they could have had them if they asked but they were special and could they please ask first.

The quiet crying and silent treatment are ridiculous and I am ignoring them!

OP posts:
Cherrysoup · 05/08/2023 16:42

Did you take the chocolate away? I hope so. Who goes rootling around to find stuff then opens it without checking in someone else’s house?!

Tell her you don’t want her to buy anything for eating, or use your lovely mugs to store stuff in the freezer. I’d send her home if she’s been a pita.

Original poster
Eyecyle · 05/08/2023 16:43

Thanks all - I have snapped a couple of time and had a go which I feel really bad about. Told her she overstepped and that she had a habit of doing xyz and not saying sorry. Also asked her to consider the impact of her words / actions. It’s just been not fun really.

OP posts:
Original poster
Eyecyle · 06/08/2023 15:46

Another stupid argument today. I have a room in my new building where the bins are and asked her where it was (haven’t yet had a chance to go down, she went down one day when I was at work to very kindly do me a favour) and she was super vague with her instructions. I came back after having been down and mentioned how she hadn’t actually explained where it was and she threw back that she had had to work it out for herself and really I should have done the same. point taken but also how hard is it to give someone clear instructions?!

To me this is the story of my life - I remember one occasion from childhood where she had just mopped the floor and I was coming downstairs but she was angry with me so didn’t tell me. Guess I should have worked that out for myself. Yes, I slipped…

I mentioned that this had been the same story from my childhood (leaving me to work things out for myself)… she has now flounced out the flat without saying a word. I can’t do this.

OP posts:
MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 06/08/2023 16:14

How much longer is she here for? if it's a couple of days, take deep breaths and count down. If it's longer say that clearly you're rubbing each other up the wrong way, would she prefer you book her a hotel room for the rest of her stay?

And do that when she wants to come and stay again. You can't do anything right for her.

Seasideanticscanleadtosandybuckets · 06/08/2023 16:15

No more invites op.
I am nc with my dm. It's bloody great!

AttilaTheMeerkat · 06/08/2023 16:24

No your mother is not trying to help. She’s doing what SHE wants to do ie make a mess of your new house. How is it at all helpful to fill your cupboards with random items, filling your freezer with chicken that you do not eat or using your nice mugs to go in the freezer?. Bet you she would not try and do that to your sister.

Emotionally healthy people do not act like your mother and sister do, these two are one and the same. She is a narcissist down to the silent crying aka emotional manipulation.

I can imagine it was the same during childhood as well with your sister being more favoured with you as the scapegoat for all their inherent ills.

Get these two out of your home today, tell them to go and never invite them again.

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