Heartbroken

[Lovegoesround]

Brutally dumped by a man I’d been in a relationship with for 6 months. Why do men come on strong and drive things forward, commitment etc then change overnight?

Even though it was a short term relationship, I really fell for him. I let my guard down as he seemed so jolly and real about how he felt about me. I am struggling to move on past the hurt as I thought he was a good, reliable guy.

If there had been any arguments or doubts, at least I could have said there were signs. We always talked about our happy we both were - and he couldn’t believe he finally met me and someone like me would he into him!

It’s been a month but I’m utterly heartbroken. I’ve been through quite a few breaks ups but this one has been the worst.
I keep beating myself up for not being over it by now.

I am really down about it.

any advice.

Stop beating yourself up for a start.

it hurts! Sometimes more than others & for longer.

I let myself feel what I feel, but I don't contact them. My biggest 'help' is reminding myself, that I've survived it before, I will again. I just need to get on & get through it.

why did he set you free?

When you develop strong feelings for someone it's only natural you will grieve when the relationship ends.

Do you feel that some of your emotions are also wrapped up in no longer having a boyfriend you are doing stuff with?

I know when I had a break up when I was a young woman I was terribly upset for ages and then in a heartfelt conversation with my friend and talking things through I realise I missed the relationship and had gotten over him. I missed going out with him as he was very interesting man and always wanted to visit new places, loved art and museums and I loved having someone to go with.

Girl! I could have written nearly the same post right down to the timings. Solidarity.

What are you doing at the moment to nourish you? Have you got something fun planned? Are you eating healthily and taking exercise? Basically are you loving you properly?

What I’m learning is that you can’t make this sucky situation even suckier by forcing yourself to be over it by now. You’re not and that’s ok. It’s only been a month. Plus i think that shorter term relationships ending sting more because of the hopes you have for their longevity. Don’t let anyone tell you how to feel about this or try to manage down your emotions because it was ‘short term’. That includes you.

i asked similar questions of my friends last night about ‘how the hell do I trust someone again’ and their answer was simple: you just do. You dust yourself down and you go again when you’re ready. This guy wasn’t communicating with you properly in order to pull this manoeuvre. There will be signs and you will spot them next time.

When you feel ready, have a listen to Female Dating Strategy podcast. One of their rules for dating is not to get too invested too soon. I know it sounds easier said than done, but it makes it harder for men who blow hot and cold to get you hooked then dump you.''he couldn’t believe he finally met me and someone like me would he into him''Thats an odd comment, did he explain what he meant by that?

OP I've had my heart broken several times so I know exactly how you feel.

I can absolutely 100% guarantee that you will not feel this pain in a year from now, even if you really really tried to hold onto it.

Keep going, take pleasure in small things, eat well, DONT HIT THE BOTTLE, take exercise.

I recommend doing something like cross stitch embroidery to escape your thoughts - or knitting, crochet, anything involving a repetitive movement where you can lose hours.

You WILL recover from this, I promise.

Thanks for your comments

what hurts most, I think, is how cold he has become

I sent him a nice msg wishing him well and he left me on unread for weeks

When he replied finally, a month later, I sent him my disappointment and hurt - and he hasn’t replied to that either

There’s a basic lack of respect which hurts

I was never bad - on the contrary I was so good to him

I’ll never speak to him again so no need to msg to say I shouldn’t contact him etc

It’s been almost 3 months for me, after an almost 2 year relationship.
I am trying to get out there and live my life. Thought I’d found the one after some crappy long term relationships and feeling quite lost as I’m almost 50 now.

You will get through it. Just don’t make the mistake I did the other night, he contacted me and I replied. He video called me and I answered. Said he wanted to see me again but has gone NC again. It’s put me back to square one.

I was just saying on another thread my oh dumped me after 30 years but we stayed together but that week he just was like someone I didn't know.
I really do understand how you feeling when you really care for someone is is heartbreaking.
I am at home tonight and thinking back and feel very low and this was four years ago but it broke me😰💔
Please look after yourself, be strong, don't put up with being treated badly. Someone better is out there for you.
You don't think that now but they are.

The relationship is not the same. He thinks it is but it is different as my special person really hurt me. The person I though was my best mate and soul mate broke me.
Go out with your friends, be free for a while and someone else better will come along one day.

I think in a way the short relationships can hurt the most when the break up is out of the blue. You’re in the honeymoon phase where you haven’t had chance to live together and see many faults therefore it can feel so brutal. I’ve been there and it does get easier, I know it’s hard to believe right now

This happened to me and it’s shit
they seem to so lovely and kind and then they turn out to be immature arseholes

I had this happen to me in 2016 yes it was a while ago but it took me ages to get my head around. I thought I was devastated because he left me but actually i was upset with someone taking advantage and making you feel disposable.

Do not let this person make you lose hope.

you will meet someone lovely who is a grown adult who will not do this to you.

totally agree it’s the honeymoon bit so it will hurt so much.

his behaviour is shit, he will do this again and again. What an arsehole

I was devastated after over 30 years as we were very happy I thought.
I was 💔💔💔
I know the op said it can hurt more at six months but for me it was a lot worse after 30 years as a long time and I really trusted them.
I had six month relationship before this 30 year one and the person dumped me and I thought I was in pain back then but nothing like 30 year relationship ending.
This will pass in time as short but 330 years is half your life and it feels terrible.
Try to think of this as a minor glitch even though it doesn't feel like it now.
Sorry for your pain.

330 years 😂

How are you doing now OP?

Bone11 much better thanks although I still cannot understand his behaviour

he came running back a few weeks later saying he regretted the break up and missed me

I told him where to go

it turns out he’s been shagging half the city

Oh wow, well done you!! He sounds like a right idiot. I'm pleased you are doing OK.