How do I accept I will always be alone

[Rubbishgatherer]

How do I do this?

I've been single for nearly 4 years after my marriage broke down. Our marriage was ok but we both had issues communicating and I felt unloved. I believe he settled after I found out I was pregnant early in the relationship.
H met someone else quite quickly and I became default parent more than ever.

I want someone to love me and support me and all the things that I think everyone else has.. (am aware they don't btw)
I think im a nice person, I think im funny and kind and considerate. But I now doubt myself on that.

I've tried online dating. Ive met some nice people as well as some that were less so. But no one that there was mutual attraction.
I've got a few hobbies and these attract both men and women. I had a couple of dates with a man last year from one of these hobbies who again was a nice chap but not someone I could see me being with so I called it off after 3 or 4 dates.
I ended up having a fwb situation with someone from a hobby as I felt lonely and thought it was sex I wanted but I realised I wanted more than that. Then it turned out he had a partner and was notorious for chasing vulnerable women.

The dc are with their dad for 2 weeks and I'm ill so stuck in the house feeling low.
My friends are unaware of the fwb situation so I can't even bitch about him to them.
In fact one of my friends told me they been kissing a few weeks back after a few drinks.

I'm so sad, I feel like I'm a rubbish person and not worthy of a partner. Everyone I know has a partner and life is hard being there for everyone but not having anyone there for me.

I've got a dog so don't need a dog.
I've got a job
I've no time to volunteer due to my dc and hobbies etc.

I just don't know how to accept I'm always going to be lonely.
😢

You’re feeling ill which is depressing anyway, you’re still smarting over the FWB bastard, you’re feeling down right now so now is the time to focus on some self care, movies you love, order your favourite food and maybe have a scroll on your phone and think about getting yourself/saving up for a lovely thing. Absolutely inundate yourself with niceness as much as you can.

Of course you can meet someone. There is every chance. For today, coddle yourself with self care and use this time when the DC are away for that and that alone. Listen to some positive thinking podcasts and audiobooks. Have a lovely bath. Little comforting things.

It’ll be ok x

If its not what you want then you don't accept it...

I was really broken after my last relationship ended. It took me years to trust anyone enough to let someone back into my life and tbh I honestly believe it took me realising that I was better off alone than stuck with the wrong person. When I realised that I knew I'd only settle for someone who actually added something more to my life because I was independent and content enough to manage on my own. It took me longer than 4 years to figure that out and I didn't have divorce proceedings to go through as well.

I think you need to love yourself a bit harder, prioritise the things that you enjoy and take the time to think about what you actually want in a partner and what that looks like in reality. Then try to get on with enjoying your life until someone who fits the bill comes along. I invested more in my friendships old and new, and my career and when I did have free time I tried different hobbies. I OLD for a long time before I met dh, years and countless dates that were either just a bit meh or were downright awful. It takes a lot of resilience which is why it's important to invest in yourself in other ways first and foremost.

I agree with the previous poster that at this moment it may seem particularly bad as you are unwell and having lots of time to think about this. You sound like you are doing all the right things by putting yourself out there and being open. Eventually the right people will come into your life. Life is unpredictable - I know someone who found their other half in their 50s and got married and are happy. You really can't plan these things. But you need to have an open heart. Try to concentrate on the things that are important to you, your hobbies, your children and just being a person you are happy to be. And the rest will come in time.

Sounds like you are maybe ready for a man break to regroup for a while, as opposed to accepting a permanent break, which is being a tad dramatic.
I wonder how long you gave it after your marriage. It sounds like you've been making active steps with a goal of finding someone, for quite some time. It's good to have breaks now and then and focus on yourself and finding your independence.

I'm in the exact same situation op but my kids are grown up

I do however really enjoy my own space , having no one to answer to , no one snoring , no one asking why is haven't done this or that - watching g what I like when I like , listening to whatever music I like ,

I took a break from old- just went back online last couple of days.

I find it tedious and difficult and I'm not holding out much hope ,

I've had a couple of flings but nothing lasting and was really taken in by one guy who was really not what he appeared so I'm now quite wary .

I think a break is good . Might even turn my profile off again for a while . I've got significant health problems right now anyway , I think maybe this time round I'd just treat dating like a hobby - nice meal or evening out , see what goes , I'm chatty and outgoing so always find something to talk about , I just don't fancy people easily .

Why do you need to accept something that's probably not true?

My Mum didn't meet her perfect person until her mid 50s. My Dad turned out to be a cheating twat and after that she had a few dates with people but couldn't find anyone she liked so gave up. And then her friend introduced her to their friend in the pub one night and BOOM.

You've had dates since your marriage ended, you've got a FWB so you know you're obviously not completely off-putting. You just haven't found the right person yet. Everyone expects a few failed relationships when they're first dating when they're young. Why are you expecting to find the right person on the first try now?

Thank you for the replies. I do appreciate each one.
I have had quite a while on my own. Indeed I had 2 years after my marriage broke down where I concentrated on the kids and it was also partly covid times too so I was doing the homeschooling and processing the breakdown of my marriage as best I could.

I have had moments of OLD and indeed I have got a couple of friends out of it if nothing else.
Im not attracted to looks anymore, if somebody's personality shines through and they make me laugh my interest is definitely spiked.

I'm so jaded with trying to find someone. Yet everyone I know has quickly found their new partner.
I wonder if my bar is set too high.
I can't compromise on certain things and have been told I am a bit too picky but some things are just too important for me to overlook. Things like not being active or drug taking or if they dont drive or have a job. I know this might be seen as being controlling or similar but these are things that are important to me.

I understand me not being well is not helping my low mood and my dc are away so I have a lot of time to fester and fear I'm not good enough or worthy.

And yes, I am definitely still smarting over the FWB bastard. I feel like I've been made a fool of in a way. I know it will pass as he moves onto the next victim

I have asked a friend to come over tomorrow and we will have a little walk of our dogs and have a catch up. I just hope I'm not too teary.

I do try and think positive but I also think im destined to be alone forever and that hurts.

I don't think your bar is set too high, just don't rush into finding someone.

I was on my own for over 3 years after my partner died and had to some extent settled for the single life.
A combination of things caused me to re-evaluate and after a few relationships I think I have found another life partner.
But don't sell yourself short in your quest for a partner.