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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Why is this still hurting?

4 replies

Birthdayblu · 05/08/2023 13:42

It was my birthday yesterday. Whilst I’m not usually a fan of birthdays, to my horror I ended up crying on a night out which is massively unlike me. :(

a month ago I had a fairly mutual split from a 6 -month relationship. I don’t want him back and I know it was for the best but seeing him in passing yday has dragged up a load of stuff for me and I don’t understand why it’s still hurting so much!

im early thirties and this guy came on very strong at the beginning, did kind things for me and was great. He had intro’d me to his family, mates & two weeks prior to breaking up we’d been on holiday abroad. No arguments.Two weeks after we get home his behaviour changed in terms of contact/being distant and he admitted his heart wasn’t in it etc. on some level I felt the same way.

he also told me he felt we were more like mates but that he hadn’t felt any intimacy between us - despite us being close on holiday - and that he didn’t feel deeper for me past the early stage. I was left wondering why it took nearly six months to figure it out but I have been getting on with things and trying not to dwell.

but not hearing from him yesterday (and seeing him ironically) has really stung and I’m cross with myself for caring! He obviously doesn’t owe me anything but I feel totally discarded and strung along by someone who was pretending to be into me for a fairly long time. A few glasses of wine and this all came out!

im so tired of going through this with people at my age (34). For me meeting someone’s family is a big deal so the feeling of being misled is actually worse than the break up itself. Like, he was never into me at all. I feel totally played and that is more heartbreaking than no longer being in the relationship.

I would really love some wisdom as I nurse a very bad hangover and puffy face.

thank u for reading !

OP posts:
WelcomeEverythingIsFine · 05/08/2023 13:50

Ah love, I think birthdays always bring these things to the surface. It’s for the best that you didn’t hear anything if you knew it wasn’t right, as it would only muddy the waters and make you feel more confused. It’s ok to feel crappy though, your partner is usually the one that makes you feel special on birthdays etc. It feels horrible but it was the right outcome for you and means you’re available for when something better comes along. Chin up, deep breath and keep going.

Rubbishgatherer · 05/08/2023 13:53

I'm always emotional on my birthday and I don't know why., whether I've been in a relationship or not. My ex proposed on my birthday too so sometimes it's really bad.

Take yourself off for a little walk and clear your head

TheAverageJoanne · 05/08/2023 13:59

It seems too much too soon, going on holiday and meeting family as quickly as that. This might have caused you to take it more seriously than him. He's been a future fakir hasn't he?

Birthdayblu · 05/08/2023 14:18

@TheAverageJoanne thats kinda how I feel yeh :( like, he didn’t promise anything future wise, but it was all his instigation

@WelcomeEverythingIsFine yes, I think you’ve identified why this hits so hard. Birthdays and partners go hand in hand

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