Advice ? Leavinf relationship

[taylz12]

Hey people,

Im looking for a bit of a hand hold here and a bit of advice.

I need out of my relationship. It's not giving me what I need anymore and it has been very toxic at times. We've been together for 5 years and we have 2 small children.

I've finally hit the realisation that this person is no longer good for me and the relationship is draining. He is a name caller during a disagreement and he is doing this infront of my children.

We both have our faults but I'm currently gaslit into oblivion by him claiming how the problems I'm putting forward as to why I'm unhappy are actually my fault and not his. I'm at a point where I'm questioning my own thoughts on the relationship and wether it's as bad as I even think?

He's adamant not to leave, I own the property myself but he's obviously lived here for 5 years. He is determined to make me stay in this relationship, I'm having the guilt trips and all the promises and I just don't know how to get out?

(I know there's going to be people on here that say "just tell him to leave" but the long and short of it is, it simply isn't that easy)

Can anyone shed light on my situation? Anyone been been before?

Are you legally married ? Because that will affect his rights to the house, regardless of who owns it.

Hi Andy,

No we're not legally married, the house was given to me through inheritance and is in a pre-nup so no rights for him what so ever

That’s good . So when you ask about how to get him to leave, what is it that’s stopping you ? Is it money, your job, childcare needs, your family or friends? Are you afraid he will be violent ?

were you planning to marry him ? Because you say you have a pre nuptial agreement .

Hey Andy,

sorry for the confusion, my father left me the house in trust and it was pre-nupt then.

its predominately the guilt trips and the convincing me in every which way to stay. I suppose I just feel sorry for him, ironic really as he always states I’ll never have any sympathy from him when I’m upset post argument.

I think it’s a mix of feeling guilty and the fear of the unknown. I’m only 25, I don’t feel like I should be this unhappy with my two babies especially being so young. These should be the best years of my life.

Just deflated.

I'm a bit confused by you having a pre-nup when you're not married and have no plans to marry.

But anyway he has no right to stay if you end the relationship and ask him to leave.

It's as easy and as hard as that.

You can give him a few weeks notice to find somewhere else to live, move into another bedroom and stay firm that he goes, or change the locks & put his stuff out one day while he's out.

Does he have somewhere that he could go to immediately like a family member?

Well if what is stopping you is guilt and fear then I suggest counselling for you ( alone ). Once you are ready to ask him to leave, you need to make a careful plan . Enlist the support of someone you can trust in RL ( friend, colleague, family member ).

Don’t do until you are sure what you and want and will stick with it. It will mess with your head ( and your kids ) if you tell him to leave them change your mind and have him back and forward.

Too many women do this because they don’t ACTUALLY want him to leave, they just want to threaten him in the hope that he improves his behaviour. But this never works.

He either does behave for a while and then it’s back to normal after a few weeks. Or he ramps up the bad behaviour / threats / makes her jealous with other women.

I know you are only 25 but you have two kids so you can’t afford drama and games.