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Original poster

Help. I a [F27] and a [M27] have a weird situationship

9 replies

A1996R · 05/08/2023 12:20

Help. I a [F27] and a [M27] have a weird situationship

I (27F) have a somewhat friends with benefits situationship with a friend and work colleague. They are a 27M and it's had its ups and downs. Where it was pretty much out in the open until we stopped seeing each other and now we are back to it just no-one knows. The sex is great and he is a good guy, just has some emotional issues. Hence why neither of us are really looking for a relationship cause I do don't want that at the moment. The thing is he seems to get a bit jealous of when I talk to or mention hanging out with other guys. For example I have been away for work for a few weeks and one night we went out on a mini pub crawl and the guys in the crawl, several of who are in relationships I may had, a few of us started to give us pretend leg messages cause we had walking a lot and when my situationship asked how it was going I told him this, cause I like being honest. Suddenly he was responding with one word answers and the next day said that it made him feel uncomfortable and he'd want some space. This doesn't seem like the same guy who just a hour before was getting excited at the prospect of having another hook up and getting some really good sex. I personally don't see the issue as we aren't in a relationship, nothing happened on the pub crawl other than friends having a life. I do get the impression that he has feelings but doesn't want to act on them and as far as I am concerned I am single cause no question has been asked. I would say as well he was very adamant last time that we weren't exclusive even though I wanted to be for safety reasons, he seemed to imply he could do want he wanted but I wasn't allowed to see anyone else or even look at someone else, which is a bit possessive and jealous of him to say that. I have abd will give him space but I don't think I have done anything wrong and I just think he doesn't like the fact that I make friends easily and fit into a great repor with guys and that other guys may actually like me and I have options.
What should I do. I can provide more input into this whole thing.
I'm concerned I have hurt he's feelings without meaning to but at the same time is it a good and healthy thing to be doing.

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 05/08/2023 12:38

A1996R · 05/08/2023 12:20

Help. I a [F27] and a [M27] have a weird situationship

I (27F) have a somewhat friends with benefits situationship with a friend and work colleague. They are a 27M and it's had its ups and downs. Where it was pretty much out in the open until we stopped seeing each other and now we are back to it just no-one knows. The sex is great and he is a good guy, just has some emotional issues. Hence why neither of us are really looking for a relationship cause I do don't want that at the moment. The thing is he seems to get a bit jealous of when I talk to or mention hanging out with other guys. For example I have been away for work for a few weeks and one night we went out on a mini pub crawl and the guys in the crawl, several of who are in relationships I may had, a few of us started to give us pretend leg messages cause we had walking a lot and when my situationship asked how it was going I told him this, cause I like being honest. Suddenly he was responding with one word answers and the next day said that it made him feel uncomfortable and he'd want some space. This doesn't seem like the same guy who just a hour before was getting excited at the prospect of having another hook up and getting some really good sex. I personally don't see the issue as we aren't in a relationship, nothing happened on the pub crawl other than friends having a life. I do get the impression that he has feelings but doesn't want to act on them and as far as I am concerned I am single cause no question has been asked. I would say as well he was very adamant last time that we weren't exclusive even though I wanted to be for safety reasons, he seemed to imply he could do want he wanted but I wasn't allowed to see anyone else or even look at someone else, which is a bit possessive and jealous of him to say that. I have abd will give him space but I don't think I have done anything wrong and I just think he doesn't like the fact that I make friends easily and fit into a great repor with guys and that other guys may actually like me and I have options.
What should I do. I can provide more input into this whole thing.
I'm concerned I have hurt he's feelings without meaning to but at the same time is it a good and healthy thing to be doing.

He needs dumping

You need to keep your work and social life separate, especially with unavailable colleagues - I wouldn't be happy (with them) if one of them was my partner.

If you have options, take one.

yellowsmileyface · 05/08/2023 13:57

One of the main benefits of FWB is supposed to be that you get casual, care-free sex without the stress and strife of an exclusive relationship.

Currently you're getting all the stress and none of the commitment.

I'd end the situationship. If you're not ready for a relationship right now, maybe just enjoy being single for a while.

RealisticGuy · 05/08/2023 14:00

You have done nothing wrong at all here. He can’t have his cake and eat it.

it might be healthier to just cut ties if it’s not headed towards a relationship but it’s causing you the stress of one. What’s the point.

It might hurt his feelings but he is being unreasonable.

Shurleyknot · 05/08/2023 14:40

I would also end it but keep your paws off your attached colleagues too. If my partner said his colleague gave him a massage i would murder him.

Original poster
A1996R · 05/08/2023 19:19

I absolutely would never do anything to make a move on a taken colleague. Everything that happened on the pub crawl was a piss take and not serious including the massages. I wouldn't entertain anyone I knew was in a relationship.

OP posts:
EmeraldDuck · 05/08/2023 22:09

Right so you started dating a work colleague, then dumped him, and now are discreetly using him for sex, while also chatting to him about flirting with other colleagues?

Not cool, and not going to end well. This situation will stress and confuse both of you.

Stop sleeping with him and find someone that you like enough to call your boyfriend. Find them away from work.

Xeren · 05/08/2023 23:52

You’re getting all the stress of dealing with this guy’s feeling and jealousy when he doesn’t even want a relationship with you.

Mind that all this drama doesn’t affect your relationships with your other colleagues or professional life.

Greengrassohla · 06/08/2023 00:02

Everything that happened on the pub crawl was a piss take

yeah right

Aprilx · 06/08/2023 02:18

What is weird about it? I thought it was fairly normal that sometimes one person in a “FWB” arrangement gets feelings. That is why I personally don’t think they are a good idea.

Do you not think you should start to rein it in a little though, massaging colleagues on work trips is not very professional.

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