Tell me your relationship boundaries

[Littlemisslonley]

Following my recent split from my dp who broke my trust boundaries 4 times I'm interested to know everyone's boundaries for their relationship . No judgment here. Boundaries for trust, other women, etc etc

I always think it is unfair when so many women talk/moan about their husbands/partners to their mothers, sisters and friends but are then hugely indignant if their husband talks about the same stuff to his mother and friends. Posters want emotionally open partners but only it would appear if they are emotionally open with them.

I agree - no one person can answer all your emotional needs. It's good to have close friends or family you can bounce things off, and talking to friends of both sees gives you different perspectives. There are some details which should remain just between the two of you, but here in MN, there are plenty of threads about, "is this normal?" and some people will prefer to speak to real friends rather than the Internet.

“Behavioural Adjustment” really is quite the weasel as a phrase. I’m not prepared to compromise my values, and I’m not prepared to discuss with someone who starts trying to downgrade me and what’s important to me.

As an example: there will be no “Behavioural Adjustment” with regards to my values/principles with regard to pornography. I want to find out if the other persons are aligned with mine so that neither of us have to adjust.

You can compromise your principles, I’m not going to, nor do I want other people to compromise theirs for me. That way lies madness.

No drugs
No alcohol issues
No “it’s complicated” about anything really
No lateness (if you are more than 5 minutes late I’ll have left and I won’t want to meet you again
No standing me up (not even with a mostly decent reason). Obviously once in a long term relationship I know that once in a blue moon something will come up
No shit sex
No commitment-phobes
No cheating - and that includes anything that even looks like an infidelity red flag, Im not hanging around waiting on definitive proof
No temper
No silent treatment
No one who wants more kids
No one my kid doesn’t like (when they eventually meet)
No one unemployed or non driving
No fussy eaters
Basically no one who doesn’t bring happiness
No one incapable of buying a proper gift, wrapping it and delivering it on the right day
No one who watches football
No one who doesn’t have the time to spend with me
No one who wants me to amuse them 24/7
No one who doesn’t like my dog
No one who smells bad
No one who won’t take turns getting up and making coffee in the morning
No one who wants to spend their weekend mornings asleep

There are probably more. Luckily my boyfriend isn’t an arse and has never come close to tweeking my boundary flags! I even found him on OLD after ruling out a whole host of unsuitables on or before date 1!!

Just goes to show we are all different people with different boundaries @Vretz.

“It's necessary to deal with behavioural adjustment, collaboration and compromise or a relationship simply isn't possible.”

Discussion and compromise in decision making is fine. But if their actions cause me to feel hurt or lose trust/faith in them and they show no remorse or try to turn it round on me (eg. “If we had more sex I wouldn’t have cheated” or “you shouldn’t have annoyed me then I wouldn’t have hit you”) then the relationship is over. I’m not going to try to persuade them to change – they’ve already shown me what they think of me. The damage is already done. And more fool me if I stick around for more of the same. They won’t change.

It’s not a boundary if I stick aroundary.

They have to be on your side.
They should want you to be happy and enjoy your life. They should support you and cheer you on and be proud of you.

So many women end up with men who seem to hate them yet expect them to be their skivvy and provide sexual services.