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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Husband advice

11 replies

MrsAtomicBomb · 04/08/2023 20:53

OK so my husband has seemed really down lately, he has lost all motivation to do anything, he is snappy, tired all the time and basically a shell of his usual self. I'm worried that he is depressed but he won't go to the doctor about low mood as he says he's fine. He clearly isn't. We haven't had sex in 4 months and it's like he doesn't even want to try to make an effort to be around me. He is on his phone every chance whoever he isn't at work and I feel like our marriage is slowly breaking. I don't know what to do as he won't talk to me about what's wrong.

OP posts:
AttilaTheMeerkat · 04/08/2023 21:21

My initial thought, and I hope I am wrong here, is that there is another woman who has turned his head.

Can you access his phone when he is asleep?.

Specso · 04/08/2023 21:27

I hate to say this but the no sex and being on his phone constantly are very typical signs that his head has been turned. It’s not the only possibility but it is one of them.

The problem is, if you just ask him he will deny it and just get more careful if he thinks you’re onto him.

Shapemyeyebrows · 04/08/2023 21:34

@MrsAtomicBomb has his behaviour changed with everyone else or just you?

Stratocumulus · 04/08/2023 21:44

Judging by MN responses we’ve all read over and over again, his head has been turned but he’s not ready to tell you yet and it’s pulling him down.
He’s exhibiting classic symptoms but we all hope we’re wrong.

Your antennae is up so do what you need to do to set your mind to rest. I just hope we’re wrong and all will turn out well for you both.

catsnhats11 · 04/08/2023 21:45

How is he with his appearance, health and looking after himself?

SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 04/08/2023 21:46

AttilaTheMeerkat · 04/08/2023 21:21

My initial thought, and I hope I am wrong here, is that there is another woman who has turned his head.

Can you access his phone when he is asleep?.

Don't break his trust!!

He has the same right to privacy as you do so don't go creeping around his phone. Once you do that, you're accepting all trust is gone and your marriage is dead in the water.

Talk to him. Break it down, write a letter or whatever you have to do to engage in a proper talk. If he won't engage with you, your marriage is finished anyway.

Original poster
MrsAtomicBomb · 04/08/2023 22:57

Yeah its changed with everyone, not just me.

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsAtomicBomb · 04/08/2023 22:59

We have full access to each others phones, we can't take our phones to work because of where we work so our phones are always at home unless we are off work. I have had a look and there aren't any messages from other women or anything suspicious . I just don't know what to say or do, I mean in a way I hope it's another woman because I would hate him to have depression like I do.

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsAtomicBomb · 04/08/2023 23:03

He seems really unmotivated with himself. He is showering etc but is just very fatigued and can't motivate himself to do anything.

OP posts:
RealisticGuy · 04/08/2023 23:07

Could he have an underlying illness?

I suddenly lost all motivation and battled constant fatigue before being diagnosed as diabetic, it was actually a random blood test that caught it. Once on meds my life changed back to how it was.

gamerchick · 04/08/2023 23:07

It might not be depression, he might be ill physically. When I'm not right I'm a nightmare to live with. Husband has firm words with me sometimes and me with him.

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