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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Strange socks = unfaithful

21 replies

Pinkmuscato · 04/08/2023 19:49

I know if this was in aibu I'd be flamed. I'm hoping for some sage advice please.

I'm incredibly insecure and untrusting, had an abusive upbringing. Married nearly 20 years. Dh has never really done anything to make me doubt him. We have two children, one with complex needs.

I was putting the washing out to dry and found some socks with dh's name on and a cartoon character which looks like him, obviously new. It was his birthday last week. I asked him where they had come from and he said they were just in his draw at the back. He has loads of socks. He knows what I'm thinking, I can't look at him. He swears he's done nothing wrong and I can't think of when he would have opportunity. He has been lasting longer in bed too when he normally struggles.

I don't know if I'm being irrational and letting my birth family/ insecurities get to me. I've also put on weight recently due to a back issue.

Either way there must be a problem as if he isn't doing anything surely me mis trusting like this is a huge issue.

OP posts:

RandomForest · 04/08/2023 20:04

Ask him

Who bought you the personalized socks ?

I've been doing your washing for twenty years and never seen them before.

Reasonable question.

Dombasle · 04/08/2023 20:12

They are something a child or parent would buy, not a lover.

Dombasle · 04/08/2023 20:12

Or a secret Santa gift at work.

cruffinsmuffin · 04/08/2023 20:13

Are they obviously new as in they've been at the very back of his drawer for ages and he's just found them? I wouldn't by an affair partner personalised socks.

Original poster

Pinkmuscato · 04/08/2023 20:15

RandomForest · 04/08/2023 20:04

Ask him

Who bought you the personalized socks ?

I've been doing your washing for twenty years and never seen them before.

Reasonable question.

I did he said probably my family and wouldn't entertain the idea of anyone else getting them.

OP posts:

rileynexttime · 04/08/2023 20:16

Another here who thinks this is the last thing a lover would buy.
Or a husband , knowing that his wife is insecure, would wear.

camtsaywho · 04/08/2023 20:17

Definitely secret Santa ! All that crap goes to the back until you remember to throw it away or just get old and uncool and think they are actually amusing..

Stop this OP (as if it's that easy!) but seriously, some therapy with a properly qualified psychotherapist who know what they are doing and how to get this all unraveled.. not just Carol from two doors down who did a course last year in counselling...

Original poster

Pinkmuscato · 04/08/2023 20:17

@rileynexttime sorry do you mean he wouldn't wear them if they were a gift or just wouldn't wear them.

I don't think he thought it would impact me.

OP posts:

Pringleface · 04/08/2023 20:22

In the nicest possible way, you need help. This is not normal.

determinedtomakethiswork · 04/08/2023 20:24

I think you should expect him to come up with an excuse soon, which will probably be that his best friend has bought them for him. If he says that, that is absolute bollocks. Nobody would buy those for someone unless they were part of his family, or he was in a relationship with them.

Blossomandbee · 04/08/2023 20:25

Im normally one to say trust your gut, but in my house it would be perfectly possible for DH to shove some Christmas/birthday socks to the back of his drawer and forget about them. In fact he found a shaving gift set in his drawer the other day he had forgot about with no idea who had bought it.
As others have said it would be an unusual gift from a romantic partner, and surely if that were the case he wouldn't openly wear them and put them out for you to wash?

blacknredsweeties · 04/08/2023 20:28

What does he do for a living?my DH is always coming home in other people's socks.

TheChosenTwo · 04/08/2023 20:28

I think the last thing an affair partner would buy were personalised socks. A very boring present. And if they WERE bought by an affair partner he’d not wear them around you.

EllieRosesMammy · 04/08/2023 20:30

blacknredsweeties · 04/08/2023 20:28

What does he do for a living?my DH is always coming home in other people's socks.

Wait, what does YOUR dh do for a living to be coming home in other people's socks?! 😂

blacknredsweeties · 04/08/2023 20:31

Military lol

Littlemisslonley · 04/08/2023 20:33

I don't think affair however if you've got a niggle in your gut you need to observe what's going on around you for abit... the niggle was probs already there and you didn't acknowledge it the socks are just something that's brought it up in your mind and now your wondering

Do nothing. Say nothing. Observe if you feel you need too...is he on his phone more? Is he working late? Has something other than lasting longer in bed changed?

RandomForest · 04/08/2023 20:49

He knows who those socks are from.

Personalized socks that have a cartoon caricature of him on, I'm sure he'd remember that, or laughed about them.

Either family or a work present.

Comedycook · 04/08/2023 20:51

Can you google them and see if you can find them for sale anywhere to see if they're recent. If you can't find them online, they're more likely to be old

maximist · 04/08/2023 21:06

I think Secret Santa too - it's the sort of thing I'd have bought for a male colleague I didn't know very well. He probably just shoved them in his drawer and found them recently.

HotPringles · 04/08/2023 21:09

DH would do that.
Receives some socks he finds a bit naff. Puts them at the back of the drawer where they stay for years - because he only ever uses the first one in front if him.
Then one day, he is running out if socks and finds the pair again.

Dh is doing that with tshirt too. I’d been known to look at him and asks about this brand new tshirt that I had never seen. Turns out it’s one I gave him but he had never worn. It was so long ago I didn’t remember buying it

TheCatterall · 05/08/2023 11:57

@Pinkmuscato please get therapy so that your insecurities and past trauma don’t blow this and other minor things out of proportion. My DP has a crammed draw full of socks. He couldn’t tell me where half have come from. Stocking fillers and secret Santa’s and naff gifts just don’t seem worthy of remembering in his brain.

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