anyone else's DH block them during disagreements over text?!

[miserabletime]

Namechanged. Married a long time with 4 kids - recent years haven't been great. Money worries, health/family issues - we've had a fair amount thrown at us and it's taken its toll.

Even when things were really good, DH has never been great at handling disagreements or conflict. To an extent, this is a personal thing - I can stay calm during arguments and feel better when talking everything through, perhaps too much. In a disagreement, DH often loses his temper quite quickly, and then doesn't like to 'prolong an argument' by discussing it much afterwards.

It's clear we have different communication styles - and because the kids are so often around we often discuss problems over text (usually when we are in different places). Anyway, DH's new way of stonewalling me is just to block me on his phone until he/we have both calmed down.

I don't know why this feels even worse to me than him walking out on a face-to-face argument, say, but it somehow does. I understand he doesn't like conflict, but actually blocking me just seems so petty and immature and VERY hurtful - like he is silencing me. Anyone else have this?

We might send the odd snarky text, but generally, disagreements are face to face. So, no. Never. To block would seem, I don’t know, juvenile? A definite ‘ick’ thing.

Honestly if I walked out of the room because I couldn't be bothered to argue and then got barraged over text I'd block the person as well. I'd be shutting that shit down immediately, my time too important to engage in such nonsense.

No, my husband has never blocked me via text, probably because he is an adult and not a teenager.

Nope. Never. It’s a very strange thing to do. If he doesn’t want to deal with messages, he can just not read them surely?

Have you spoken to him about this?

Yes, mine does this. I agree it's cruel and infantile - not one of his better traits! I have always assumed he does it actually when he knows I am right/have outwitted him in the argument!

No idea of best way to deal with it but you have my full sympathy OP. I do find it hard to respect him or even think of him as an adult when he does it.

I'd probably feel this way too . If I left a room during a row , probably because I was too emotional , I wouldn't like if husband persisted with the row .
maybe you dh feels the same , he's asking for a bit of space .

It’s pointless. He has to see you a few hours later.

If your partner wants to talk about an issue that's important to them, and you "can't be bothered" and walk out, I think that's horrible behaviour. In my opinion it's childish, and also very controlling.

I can't imagine dp blocking me like this but then I can't imagine trying to have a serious discussion by text either. I think if you're so short of support with the kids that there's genuinely no opportunity to talk properly face to face, that might be part of the problem.

Is there any prospect of some kind of support/ babysitting allowing you to go to the pub together or something? I suppose I'm doing that time honoured thing of suggesting more date nights. But if a particular way of discussing problems isn't working for you as a couple, maybe don't do it any more.

So are you suggesting that you ask someone to babysit at the last minute so the OP and her husband can have an argument?

Stonewalling is emotional abuse and is not acceptable. Has he considered therapy to get support with it? Personally I’d be setting a time limit for him to seek proper help or I’d be gone.

I was all prepared to say it was rubbish from the title having read the rest, honestly it makes sense.

1. He doesn't want to turn his phone off in case someone else tries calling/texting
2. He doesn't want your texts to interfere with work, it stresses him out
3. Silencing you specifically may be too difficult rather than blocking

Frankly, I ignore msgs but I silence my whole phone, or mute a conversation (like FB msngr). I need to be in the right headspace and it makes me anxious to hear it pinging away.

I personally think your way (the way that's worked in the past) isn't working right now. So suggest something else, such as email, or an actual letter. Take the time to stop and process, or talk in person. There's a reason writing it out is cathartic. Imagine tapping away on a typewriter aggressively and then it slowing down as you calm. Maybe you'll find the first msg you wrote isn't what you want to say now, and now he isn't getting it immediately (via text) you have more time to process.

I would come to an agreement that you have say, a code word for you being annoyed so that he knows, or you know, and that you plan to talk it out but in the meantime he can't block you. Emergency reasons alone it's not a good idea.

@snoretoomuch no im suggesting that they aim to discuss things face to face more often to improve their relationship, and try to shelve issues that come up at times when they can only communicate by text, because it's causing more anger.

Communication via text is always difficult if there's emotion involved as it's hard to get your feelings across as the other person's emotions might mean they interpret your message differently to the way you intend it.

Don't argue over text.

To he honest, just stop arguing and communicate better. You don't need rows.

It really depends on what you’re arguing about. If it’s petty and you relentlessly message him then I can understand why he’s block you. But if you’re really upset with how he treated you and he blocks you I think it’s abusive. It also though just seems a bit disrespectful to block someone when you should be able to say to them that you don’t want to talk right now

No ee never get into arguing over text as it always sounds worse over text as can be misunderstood. If we have anything to discuss it's always face to face.
Husband has never blocked me and I wouldn't him.
I'd be very unhappy with him if he did.