Hi all, I’ll keep this as short as possible.
I decided 3 weeks ago to end my 9 year relationship for which I have 2 DC. It’s been years of ups and downs, but mainly downs. Here are some of the reasons :
- DP has always had issues with MH, but never ever sought help
- DP would always get argumentative when drunk
- DP has been physically abusive to me on multiple occasions throughout the entire relationship (I keep remembering events and it’s so painful)
- DP has always reminded me he earns more, pays for more, everything in our house is his
- DP has punched holes in walls, smashed doors etc
- DP has continuously in the last 12 months accused me of seeing other people
- DP has reminded me I’m the least good looking
- DP has been absent with his children, not interested in family days out, never done a night feed because “I work full time”, laid in every weekend because again “I work hard and it’s my weekend”
- DP wants at least 2 weeks notice before he takes care of the kids on his own because again “I work hard all week and it’s my weekend”
theres so much more I just can’t write it all down.
1 year ago I got a job after being on furlough for a year and then at home with the youngest for a year (born 2021). It was the best thing I’ve ever done besides becoming a mother. I’ve made such wonderful friends, built a name for myself in my profession, been promoted once already and it’s just been wonderful - especially now matching his earnings!
1 year ago it all got worse, EXDP has constantly accused me of having affairs, but can never give an explanation as to who/where/why. I work in a male dominated industry and he tells me it’s only because I’m a woman that I’m a successful. He’s become more absent, not just with me but the DC, zero interest in hobbies, friends or myself.
After ending things, it’s become so spiteful. He’s told me “no one will want to f* you after me” “no one will want you after me” “I hit you because you make me do it, you want me to be the bad guy” “you make me angry at the kids, you want me to be the bad parent” “you’ve sucked the life out of me, you’re the reason I’m depressed and angry”
Hes also refusing to leave the home, it’s a council property with a joint tenancy. He says because he’s earnt more, he deserves it more than me. He acts as if I’ve never worked, I have always had an income through working or maternity allowance. The rent has always come from my account. His family hate me because of the lies he’s told them. The council have told me we both need to apply for a solo tenancy, and they will decide based on our circumstances. My parents offer childcare twice a week, my entire family lives in this town. I cannot leave, I have no where, no money, no where to go. He wants me out.
I’ve spoken to a counsellor, and to my friends, and they all say it’s abuse, emotional and physical. But what if he’s right?? I’ve never been perfect and I know he’s got a short fuse so I should never argue back. I can’t help but feel like it’s my fault, I did deserve it and I’m an idiot for speaking up.
He’s told me he’s depressed and I’m abandoning him, and no good person would do that after he’s stuck by my side through PND when I was (I will admit) not in a good place.
I’m sorry, I just needed to rant. I just can’t see this ending….is this how relationships are after 9 years and I’m just throwing it away because I’m so tired from all the bullying? And am I an awful person for leaving if he is depressed? Is MH an excuse to be so mean and cruel and venomous?