Does it always get worse?

[Ridethewavesheadabovewater]

In a relationship with a very emotionally abusive man, regularly sworn at, belittled, gaslit etc...won't go into details.

Once told me he wanted to punch me in the face. He's never hit me, the only physical thing he has done is grab me round the arms and has pushed me out the room.

He emotional abuse is worse every day. I was told yesterday I'm an embarrassment, useless, lazy, less important than him.

Anyway, my question...is he likely to try to physically hurt me? Will it escalate. When later questioned about the grabbing and pushing he firstly said it didn't happen, he then said he want doing it whilst shouting in my face I'm.a fucking bitch and twat. He then decided he did it because I questioned his authority.
He also said I raised my fist to him, which is a lie and I've never threatened any kind of violence, nor been violent.

I never thought he'd physically hurt me, despite the mental torture but what I'm wondering is how likely it is he may become physical again.

Do you really need to ask? He has already started by grabbing and pushing you. The only sane thing to do is end things now, why on earth are you still with such a vile specimen?

I've always said.. Emotional abuse is worse than physical abuse so I would get the hell out of that relationship now

Why are you even thinking that it’s won’t get worse or that this is ok for you to put up with?

Walk away - you deserve better - this is not a relationship it’s abuse

In short - yes it will get worst. Or it will stay bad.

But either way it's fucking shit for you and you need to leave asap.

He isn't suddenly going change into a nice man is he ?! You know deep down he will keep treating you like this. Be courageous. You can leave.

Oh the emotional abuse is a million times worse. I'd much rather he smacked me.
As he's not actually hit me, I just wondered if it could be a one off from the physical side.
He didn't have remorse, just denied then said it was my fault. I told him he shouldn't have done it and he hurt me and he said "I didn't hurt you". I said he did and he responded "well I didn't leave a mark, did I?".

Why are you still there op? Can you make an exit plan?

Yes, it will get worse.
it’s already bad enough
he is rehearsing his statements for the police when you finally have had enough, or are dead.

We are here for such a short time, you deserve so much better! Leave him.

It will always get worse, leave now while you can.

In answer to your question yes it will get worse.

What did you learn about relationships when you were growing up?. Was one parent abusive to the other?.

Your boundaries, already perhaps skewed by poor life experience and or previous abusive relationships, are being further ground down now. If he does not go onto actually kill you in the end, he will further escalate the abuse he is showing you now.

Yes it will get worse. Trust me , I’ve been there.

Whats stopping you making an exit plan,@Ridethewavesheadabovewater

I work in domestic abuse - there is a pattern that all perpetrators follow and it always starts like this and then escalates. Please please leave him.

Just because he hasn't used physical abuse, doesn't mean he's not an abuser. Move on to something better before it gets worse. You don't deserve to settle for someone like that. Good luck x

Oh the emotional abuse is a million times worse. I'd much rather he smacked me.

Fucking Hell, OP. You understand there's a third option don't you?

Does it matter if it gets worse OP? Now is bad enough.

Time to make an exit plan, noone should have to live their life like this.

Hi Op,
I’m so sorry that you’re in this situation. To answer your question, it does appear that his abuse of you is escalating. It wouldn’t be a huge stretch to assume that this will become more and more physical.
He has been emotionally abusing you so you may feel that the abuse you are suffering isn’t a good enough reason to leave. It is.
That he isn’t being abusive enough to condone contacting professional support. He is.
That you’re not worthy of receiving support and getting away from him.
You are.
Please contact women’s aid or your local IDVA support service.

Yes it will get worse it's in their core and that core is absolutely void. There is no empathy, remorse or guilt and therefore they are capable of doing many atrocious things without blinking an eye or feeling sorry or that they did anything wrong at all.

Mine started with verbal, then emotional which lead to phycological too. Then came throwing things, pushing and shoving to hitting, scratching & gouging and biting. By the end I had the full toolkit coming my way, along with screaming rage and I can honestly say, I've never heard or seen anything like it before it made me feel sick, and the children too was demonic. And that was my wife not a man, I couldn't imagine how that must feel like the other way around but either way I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

The emotional abuse after years of it will drive you absolutely insane to the point of sickness, grinds you down to nothing and you'll be even more trapped and defenseless.

You are always at fault they cannot be at fault and when you catch them out it never happened at all. It's absolutely bonkers you cannot reason with it. It's a setup the goal posts are always changing.

Be wary and stay safe, if I knew what I know now I would have left a long time ago but I didn't listen to my gut and I got trapped. Trust your gut.

FGS why do you even have to ask . Get away from him and find someone kind

Yes it will get worse, but even if it got a bit less bad (why would it, being an arsehole is a good coping mechanism) it is still awful.
Why tolerate it? Seriously ask yourself WHY are you enduring this?

I ask because when somebody asked me that same question, I was initially angry but it got be started on my process of self examination.

You have one life op. Make sure your life is not a sacrifice to an angry man's low self esteem.

Oh, and top tip, if you leave and he promises he'll change, don't go back, because he won't. Free as a bird now thankfully but I am speaking from experience.

To those that have shared experiences, thank you.
I'm utterly destroyed. I cant speak without something being my fault. I'm constantly feeling sick and I've reached rock bottom. Everything in life is ruined.
The most recent issue was because he asked me to choose something for my birthday. I chose a generic item that could cost £20 and said he didn't need to get me anything. He asked if i had looked on the website he bought my earrings from a few years ago (real diamond). I said no because it's too expensive and he said don't worry about the price, choose what you like. I sent some links and said theynare really expensive, so he didn't need to get them.
This was two weeks ago. On Tuesday whilst I was in work (counselling related and with a vulnerable group- so basically emotive and intense working environment) he starts bombarding me with paragraphs of messages.
The issue was he basically can't believe asking for something so expensive, I don't spend that much on him. He queried how much I spend on him (last year £800 on a holiday for us and I lost all the money because he was angry I booked it as he wanted to go out with his friends instead). I told him I didn't want or expect anything and he starts going on how he pays for me, he pays the rent. I live off him, I'm useless and lazy.

I work more hours than him but he's a higher hourly earner. We have expensive rent because he refused to live in a small house and I work part time because he wanted me to do childcare as he is "too old". He said I need to work more as I'm an embarrassment and he's embarrassed telling people I work part time...I've offered to work more but he won't have our son...he stays away Thurs and Fri to go out drinking. I can't win. He sets me up to fail. I'm blamed for things that haven't even happened and my head is an absolute mess.

Things are bad. But I wondering about the physical risk. I can't imagine he'd want to leave a mark on me as his ego and reputation is everything.

He's abusive and you need to understand deep down he's a damaged, vile person.

I hope you gain the strength to get away from him.

How old is your child op? I know it’s hard but do you want your son doing the same to a partner in the future? If you can’t leave for you leave for him. What advice would you give a friend going through a similar situation?

@Ridethewavesheadabovewater Jesus, honestly wouldn't speak like that or treat my partner that way, so sorry.

It is very much a case you a damned whatever you do, it's never good enough and there's always something, always your fault.

It does make you really sick, you're in a constant state of fight or flight, your body is telling you that your not safe. You should feel secure and comfortable at home.

Honestly physical risk aside, if you go on long enough like that it will destroy your body from the inside like it did mine. I got to the point I couldn't even function, lost my mind completely and then you're to blame for that.

I mean he's already been physical, it's already happened... so I would say likelihood it will increase at some point.

Do you have friends or family or are you isolated? Be wary of that too, don't let yourself get to a point where your stuck in that sense because that's another trick.