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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Am I crazy or is someone entering the house?

103 replies

BaroutC · 04/08/2023 16:53

A few years ago I found out that my husband had cheated. We separated. He stayed in the marital home and I was the one who left because he didn't want us to separate.
Since returning there have been a handful of times I have felt like someone might be entering the property when there's nobody there.
The first time I noticed it was when we came in from an afternoon out and it was like the furniture had been moved. I couldn't say what had actually been moved but the gap between certain items had narrowed as I walked through.
There were a couple of other times when I wasn't sure but it felt like things had moved. There was one time that I know that something had definately been moved.
Another time our adult DC commented on a strange chemical smell in the house as we entered. I could smell it too but DH couldn't.
It's only ever happened if we have been out during daytime, never evening.
For someone to be entering they would not only need a key but they would need to know that neither of us were in. They would also need to know if our adult DC was staying with us as he comes and goes.
I thought maybe someone could potentially track one of us via a phone, but surely not three separate phones.
I can't see that it would be possible for someone to know when all of us are out.
I'm sure I'm not going mad because I get the feeling only occasionally, not all the time, and there was one time I can say 100% something had moved.
any ideas welcome because I cannot work it out nor why a person would want to enter the house.

OP posts:
Andthereyougo · 04/08/2023 20:50

To check for hidden cameras make a room as dark as possible. Use the torch on your phone or a very bright torch and go over the entire room slowly and methodically, even things like extractor vents in bathroom ceilings and smoke alarms. If a blue light reflect back at you in the torchlight you’ve found a camera.
As you leave the house, as long as you’re sure no one is watching place biscuits ( digestives or rich tea are ideal) underneath a door mat. On returning home check beneath the mat before you step on it. Crushed biscuits mean someone has walked on the doormat.

itsgettingweird · 04/08/2023 20:53

Gowlett · 04/08/2023 19:41

Do you think it’s the affair partner? Were they together when you left? Might they have a key to your house?

This was my thought too!

flosset · 04/08/2023 21:08

Get a camera. Not trying to freak you out but the sorry below is crazy

www.belfastlive.co.uk/news/belfast-news/belfast-shop-owner-caught-red-27386108.amp

BettyRoodBoy · 04/08/2023 21:18

Forget cameras, you need to do a Home Alone. No deviation.

Zanatdy · 04/08/2023 21:48

So as others have said a ring doorbell and internal camera will help here. I have a ring and also an internal camera for the bedroom to check on the dog. Only I have access to the bedroom camera. The ring is helpful for knowing the kids are home from school and also provides reassurance. So it’s two fold, the doorbell part is less needed for me but more a security camera. No-one will get in then without being seen on camera. Changing locks is an obvious first step of course

TacCat49 · 04/08/2023 21:49

Definitely not an urban myth. The TV series I watched is called Phrogging: Hider in my house. One episode was young college girls, another was young college guys. In fact one of them was a sleep walker and got blamed for leaving all the kitchen cupboards open. It wasnt him. The other episodes were families and it caused chaos in the families. Everyone was blaming another family member for taking their possessions. It became quite nasty at times.
By the way I'm not in the UK.

Itsnotrightbutitsok · 04/08/2023 22:00

I can’t work out if DH still lives there or not.

My first thought was that your DH is bringing a woman home with him whilst everyone’s out.

Or if he’s moved out then it’s possibly him coming back as he thinks he’s entitled to look around/mess with your head.

I would definitely get a ring camera to put your mind at rest.

Itsnotrightbutitsok · 04/08/2023 22:02

flosset · 04/08/2023 21:08

Get a camera. Not trying to freak you out but the sorry below is crazy

www.belfastlive.co.uk/news/belfast-news/belfast-shop-owner-caught-red-27386108.amp

Bloody hell!!!

Catskidsandme · 04/08/2023 22:05

No one is going into your house to move furniture. The chemical smell was probably the neighbors or drains.
Its next to 0 possibility that anyone, even the ow, would be monitoring you or someone is using your home.
People love this sort of thing but in the real world no one does this. Even if someone entered your home why would they move the living room around? What would the gain from moving the sofa and side table closer?
Its more likley that you are understandbly lacking trust from the affair and you mind is playing tricks on you. If your back with your h, it's your subconscious telling you to have a level of distrust and always be hyper vigilant, you should listen to it.

blacknredsweeties · 04/08/2023 22:13

Do you have a dog?

seafronty · 04/08/2023 22:18

This is my favourite type of mumsnet post. Slightly ridiculous starter, followed by even more ridiculous suggestions. Just change the locks. Takes 10 minutes, costs £50. Why you haven't done this already is strange.

Whippetlovely · 04/08/2023 22:19

Maybe you’ve got a ghost, one that likes cleaning! Put some cameras up, baby monitor type ones that give you alerts they are really cheap.

FastBlueHedgehog · 04/08/2023 22:20

I don't understand this. Do you think your husband's affair partner is coming in your house or some randomer?

RunAwayTurnAwayRunAwayTurnAway · 04/08/2023 22:31

Cleaner moving furniture to clean under it and spraying chemicals.

Shapemyeyebrows · 04/08/2023 22:44

@BaroutC How long have you been back for? Could your partner have hired a cleaner when you were apart who still comes round but he’s just not mentioned it if you haven’t been back long?

caringcarer · 04/08/2023 22:58

Just change the locks.

Ilovelurchers · 04/08/2023 22:59

I mean, it could be the husband's affair partner, if she had a key and got a bit obsessed with him.....

Or someone else with a key - cleaner? Adult child's ex? A neighbour? I did know someone, seemed like a great bloke on the surface, whose neighbour had given him a key for when she and her husband were away, and he was using it to sneak in to her house at night and go through her stuff, because he was obsessed with her and also had become very mentally unwell. Poor woman, must have been terrifying.

She caught him with a secret camera, which is what you should do, OP.

shams05 · 04/08/2023 23:08

Chanhedforthis · 04/08/2023 17:50

Check your loft. A friend of mine had this problem, there was a guy living there and would come down when he knew they were all out.

She found out as she came back 5 minutes after leaving as she forgot something.

Like Lofty from casualty!

AngryBirdsNoMore · 04/08/2023 23:16

Chanhedforthis · 04/08/2023 17:50

Check your loft. A friend of mine had this problem, there was a guy living there and would come down when he knew they were all out.

She found out as she came back 5 minutes after leaving as she forgot something.

I don’t think your friend is telling the truth…

Aplume · 04/08/2023 23:18

blacknredsweeties · 04/08/2023 22:13

Do you have a dog?

Specifically, do you have a dog that likes moving sofas?

Aplume · 04/08/2023 23:19

shams05 · 04/08/2023 23:08

Like Lofty from casualty!

Show quote history

Or Christopher Ecclestone!

strof · 04/08/2023 23:24

BaroutC · 04/08/2023 16:53

A few years ago I found out that my husband had cheated. We separated. He stayed in the marital home and I was the one who left because he didn't want us to separate.
Since returning there have been a handful of times I have felt like someone might be entering the property when there's nobody there.
The first time I noticed it was when we came in from an afternoon out and it was like the furniture had been moved. I couldn't say what had actually been moved but the gap between certain items had narrowed as I walked through.
There were a couple of other times when I wasn't sure but it felt like things had moved. There was one time that I know that something had definately been moved.
Another time our adult DC commented on a strange chemical smell in the house as we entered. I could smell it too but DH couldn't.
It's only ever happened if we have been out during daytime, never evening.
For someone to be entering they would not only need a key but they would need to know that neither of us were in. They would also need to know if our adult DC was staying with us as he comes and goes.
I thought maybe someone could potentially track one of us via a phone, but surely not three separate phones.
I can't see that it would be possible for someone to know when all of us are out.
I'm sure I'm not going mad because I get the feeling only occasionally, not all the time, and there was one time I can say 100% something had moved.
any ideas welcome because I cannot work it out nor why a person would want to enter the house.

We had a neighbour entering our house without us knowing things would go missing. Ex wife had some nice new blinds in the conservatory. It looked like someone had thrown a pot of ink at them .
I suspected a printer I had left in there but something wasn't sitting right.

It all came to light when she was arrested on an unrelated charge . She had collected documents from our house .stolen jewellry .proper weirdo.

I lived in a quiet residential area .my car alarm used to go off quite a bit .so out of respect for neighbours I used to leave it unlocked .again reading between the lines she obtained a key for the house that way from a set laid in the car.

Nowt as Queer as folk .I actually pitied her in the end .such a sad excuse of a human

ohsuzannah · 04/08/2023 23:28

I'd have cameras everywhere!

CoQ10 · 04/08/2023 23:29

Poltergeist playing jokes on you?

ohsuzannah · 04/08/2023 23:29

NotNowGertrude · 04/08/2023 20:38

Could your husband be messing with your head?

The ultimate "Gaslighting "