DP and I have had some relationship issues over the years and it’s been especially tough recently.
We live in South Africa (my home country) but he comes from a non-English speaking European country. Recently he met a (lesbian) woman from his country through work who just moved here. They don’t work together very much but they talk to each other outside of work a LOT, at least an hour on the phone each week, sometimes 50 WhatsApp messages a day, they’re friends on Facebook and instagram etc. He has shown me their WhatsApp conversations but it’s all in their language so it’s hard for me to understand. She definitely tells him a lot about her emotional state especially about her recent divorce and he told her that our DD was unplanned and that we broke up and DD was conceived straight after we got back together again. I think they’re too close and that he should not be talking to another woman about this.
I’ve met her socially several times in a group when her office has come to our town. She has babysat DD for us a couple of times too, which DP and I were both really pleased with because DD is bilingual English and his language but it’s hard for us to find other people who speak his language for her to talk to. Once she stayed in our guest room for the night because she was working here for 2 days. She was generally thoughtful, but she does not speak much English and I do not speak their language very well so it was awkward. She talked to my DD and DP but she didn’t talk to me. DP sat outside smoking and drinking and talking to her in their language until really late in the night while I was inside with DD. She is not entirely to blame for that. He does not smoke in the house, so it’s not unusual for him to sit outside smoking, drinking beer and on his phone for hours in the evening. But DP and I talked about it and agreed that she won’t be staying over again.
DP says that they’re just friends and that there is nothing more between them. I have talked to some of my (female) friends about the circumstances of my pregnancy so he can’t understand why I don’t want him telling her these details. He thinks his friendship with her is no more a threat to our relationship than if he was friends with a man. He says he likes having the chance to speak his native language and that he does not have many friends here. But he knows I’d be happy to move to his country, at least for a few years, but he is adamant he doesn’t want to go back so I don’t understand why he is so keen to have a friend from home. And just because she is a lesbian doesn’t mean he couldn’t have a crush on her. She is young and pretty.
It feels like DP talks to her more than he talks to me. She gets to best of my DP (the nice conversations, inside jokes and thoughtful offers to help with things like the paperwork for emigrating here) while I’m left with just the conversations about the boring daily life stresses. Her project here ends in December so she is moving back to their country soon. Should I just put up with it for a few more months? I’m so frustrated but I don’t want to sound like I’ve gone crazy with jealousy.