Dating

[Claireyoung1990]

Hi, I am 34 years old, I have recently broken up with my partner of 10 years. We have two kids together 5 year old girl and 2 year old boy, I also have a 14 year old son from a previous relationship. I want to get into the dating world but don't know how my kids will react. I feel I am ready to move on but I am unsure whether my children are ready too. Any advice?

Hi Claire, I think you need to be open to your kids while reminding them you will always put them first. I feel if you are still on talking terms with your ex you should include him in this discussion. I think this can be hard on children but it is something they will learn is a normal part of life ... but most importantly you need to have a man who will treat your children well.

Thanks! I am currently seeing a guy but my kids are unaware as I stay at his place while my kids are at their dads on the weekends. Unfortunately my ex isn't in the 'same place' as I am so to speak but I do need to talk to my children but don't know how to bring it up especially to my eldest.

Give yourself time if it's only recent; you might find you aren't quite as ready as you think!
Can you get a couple of child-free evenings/afternoons out every week? The children don't need to know what you're doing in your free time. I wouldn't mention it at all until it's pretty serious.

How recently?

I separated from my children's dad when they were 13 and 6. I didn't even consider dating for a year. For the next 10 years or thereabouts, I dated casually but didn't introduce the children to anyone. It's only been in the last couple of years I've actually had a relationship.

I'm not suggesting others should do the same but I think the children need to he the priority at least in the beginning and when they're so young.

I'd also be wary of dating with children so young (esp online dating - it's a bit different if it's someone you've already got a friendship with or have known for some time) not fron a 'dodgy bloke' perspective necessarily but because I wouldn't have wanted a relationship with someone with such young children because they take up so much of your time and emotional energy! I'd wonder if they were just a bit clueless about the realities of having small childen or how big a commitment it is coming into their lives.

Why would you talk to your kids about your dating life at this stage? There is no reason they need to know about any of it.

If you're happy for it to be something you do when your children aren't around and just a bit of a parallel life I guess, you don't need to to tell your children what you're doing when they're at their dad's.

The parallel life thing is waht I did for years.

Thanks! I think your right.

Your kids don't need to know for at least a year, and they certainly don't need to meet him for even longer!

Double life is the way forward until you're BOTH absolutely sure the relationship is for the long haul

Your kids and ex don't have to know straight away, have a bit of fun and see where the relationship goes if you feel its getting serious then you can decide to tell them.