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Original poster

Why can't he ever be serious

20 replies

Alicew00 · 04/08/2023 12:41

I love my boyfriend but he is never serious. This week I've been unwell with flu and he keeps trying to make me laugh by doing childish sh.t... but I'm not into it I want to be miserable until I feel better but he huffs. He also thought I wanted to have sex just because it was our 1 year anniversary the other day but I was still unwell! So I said no. He also keeps making the same jokes over and over and I spoke to him about this but he used the excuse that he has a bad memory!? He's 31.
He's constantly making everything a joke even around my family and it gets uncomfortable but he said he can never change. He stayed home last night because he knew he was annoying me and made a speech about how he's just trying to cheer me up. I'll ill not mentally insane! Urgh :-/

OP posts:
MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 04/08/2023 12:56

That would drive me mad, sorry. The compulsion to entertain and tell jokes and be funny. He can change, he just doesn't want to because it's not important enough to him. His persona is joker and life and soul of the party and never taking anything seriously and he's quite happy with it.

Original poster
Alicew00 · 04/08/2023 13:58

That's interesting that he doesn't want to change. He'll have to or I don't know we will ever live together in the future

OP posts:
HarrietJet · 04/08/2023 14:01

Alicew00 · 04/08/2023 13:58

That's interesting that he doesn't want to change. He'll have to or I don't know we will ever live together in the future

Strange way to look at it. There may or may not be a future for you but you can't force anyone to change.

pikkumyy77 · 04/08/2023 14:08

Yes: he doesn’t intend to change. Do you not get that, OP? This is who he is! He likes it like that: class clown, joker, just a bit of bantz, I’m mad, me, etc…etc..etc… He loves this identity! Its all he has in place of a real, adult, persona. He is not attuned to you or your needs, which change over time (like when you are sick, or want to be serious). He only has one mode and it is “full on/what about me/I want sex/lets have a laugh”

He won’t change. His whole thing is to be stuck on joker mode.

OriginalBliss · 04/08/2023 14:11

Agree with previous posters -- this is his thing. It's what he has in place of a personality, or a capacity to respond to someone else's needs.

On the other hand, what originally attracted you to him? Did he present a different version of himself when you were first dating? Or did you think the joker persona covered hidden depths of feeling?

Calistano · 04/08/2023 14:11

I couldn't bear it, just chill the fuck out man. It's the sameish with my teenagers, just constant sarcasm. I beg them sometimes, just say something authentic. For some reason I think it's an American thing, their shows are just constantc"banter"they would not call it that obviously.

I have to watch grounded things now and again to recibrate.

Aquamarine1029 · 04/08/2023 14:15

Op, why are you continuing to waste your time? You say you love him, but you very much dislike the overwhelming facet of his personality that drives you crazy. Just admit this will never work already. This relationship is absolutely doomed.

Calistano · 04/08/2023 14:19

There's only one bloke I ever met I could just chill with. Even the one I was with for a long time and had 3 kids with, it always had to be what he wanted to watch.

The bloke I could chill with, there were a few vetoes, but we could easily exist together whilst watching something the other had picked. This seems to be rarer than it seems?

gannett · 04/08/2023 14:28

I love my boyfriend

I don't know what you think this means but it seems to me you fundamentally don't like an integral part of your boyfriend's personality.

Which is fair enough because it sounds bloody annoying, I find the "class clown" types who try to turn everything into a (bad) joke very hard work. But it seems pretty obvious to me that I shouldn't be in a relationship with that sort.

Loving someone should entail at least liking their most fundamental characteristics!

Original poster
Alicew00 · 04/08/2023 18:06

It's very exhausting and he thinks it's ok to walk around my house naked I hate that. I don't really like his body and the way he shapes his beard it's weird doesn't do it normal like other men. I'm starting to wonder why I'm with him. I nearly broke up with him before but he couldn't understand because he doesn't hit me, doesn't manipulate me or abuse me etc

OP posts:
HarrietJet · 04/08/2023 18:09

Alicew00 · 04/08/2023 18:06

It's very exhausting and he thinks it's ok to walk around my house naked I hate that. I don't really like his body and the way he shapes his beard it's weird doesn't do it normal like other men. I'm starting to wonder why I'm with him. I nearly broke up with him before but he couldn't understand because he doesn't hit me, doesn't manipulate me or abuse me etc

You don't like anything about this man, but are happy to be with him because he doesn't hit you or abuse you? Sad
You clearly have a very abusive, disordered background. This is horrendous

Restinggoddess · 04/08/2023 18:14

31 going on 13 - not the basis for a long term relationship

Your staying with him because he doesn’t hit you or abuse you ????

fdgdfgdfgdfg · 04/08/2023 18:16

Alicew00 · 04/08/2023 18:06

It's very exhausting and he thinks it's ok to walk around my house naked I hate that. I don't really like his body and the way he shapes his beard it's weird doesn't do it normal like other men. I'm starting to wonder why I'm with him. I nearly broke up with him before but he couldn't understand because he doesn't hit me, doesn't manipulate me or abuse me etc

It's doesn't sound like you like him very much OP, why on earth are you with him?

You don't sound compatible at all so just dump him, find someone you like and let him find someone who likes him.

FordKent · 04/08/2023 18:25

I have seen a lot of ex Military with this 'comedy' trait. They handle every problem by diminishing it first. Nothing is ever serious enough to demand attention NOW.

Unless it's incoming machine gun fire.

Seaoftroubles · 04/08/2023 18:27

OP your bar is very low if you think he's a good man because he doesn't hit you, manipulate you or abuse you! This is really no reason to stay with him. He irritates you, you don't seem to find him attractive and you dont like his continual jokes. Best to end it and find someone better suited to you.

Aquamarine1029 · 04/08/2023 18:28

Alicew00 · 04/08/2023 18:06

It's very exhausting and he thinks it's ok to walk around my house naked I hate that. I don't really like his body and the way he shapes his beard it's weird doesn't do it normal like other men. I'm starting to wonder why I'm with him. I nearly broke up with him before but he couldn't understand because he doesn't hit me, doesn't manipulate me or abuse me etc

For fuck's sake, op, have you even read what you wrote?? You don't even like this man. You're not even attracted to him. You don't need his permission to break up and he doesn't have to be abusive just for you to end it. Come on now! WTF are you even doing? End it already.

Casmama · 04/08/2023 18:34

OP said he couldn't understand it - not that that is her criteria for continuing.
Call it a day though OP, sound like you've got the ick and it's only a year in

HarrietJet · 04/08/2023 18:37

Casmama · 04/08/2023 18:34

OP said he couldn't understand it - not that that is her criteria for continuing.
Call it a day though OP, sound like you've got the ick and it's only a year in

Yet she did continue, because he couldn't understand why she'd break up when he doesn't hit or abuse her... 🤷🏻‍♀️

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 04/08/2023 19:42

Alicew00 · 04/08/2023 18:06

It's very exhausting and he thinks it's ok to walk around my house naked I hate that. I don't really like his body and the way he shapes his beard it's weird doesn't do it normal like other men. I'm starting to wonder why I'm with him. I nearly broke up with him before but he couldn't understand because he doesn't hit me, doesn't manipulate me or abuse me etc

Sounds like you've got the ick.

You should let him be with someone who adores him, and let yourself find someone you adore.

Don't stay with men just because there're not abusive ! Is the bar really this rock bottom now?!

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