I don't really know where to start here as there's so much to digest but I am worried for my marriage at the moment. Me and my husband have been together 10 years, married 5 and have a 1.5year old. It just hasn't been the same since having our DD.
Yes admittedly we have a lot of stress with our DD & I have and still am suffering with anger/depression which doesn't help but more recently (past few months) I have been feeling more and more like I want to escape.
As a bit of background, he's my first proper relationship and I'd say the first 4/5 years we were very active sexually but it did slow up (at a pace we were both fine with) however in 1.5 years since having my DD we have dtd 3 times. I am just simply not interested, I have a lot of physical/health issues, I'm always fatigued and it's the last thing on my mind. I have spoken a few times and he has agreed he too is feeling similar to me with regards to tiredness/stress but I can't help worry.
I just don't feel I get the loving support I need from him, he's never been as affectionate as I'd like (hugs/kisses), we barely say love you anymore. For example: he comes home from work I ask him how his days been he gets a shower, all he asks about is DD. Tonight for example, I have had 1 of the worst days with DD she's been at points unbearable with crying and whining all day since 5.30am and it was quite obvious I had reached the end of my tether but did he step in....no?! I ended upeaving the house for 1hr to get a coffee and unwind as I needed space to just breathe in silence and on my return I just get silent treatment. We've gone to bed saying nothing to each other. He's upstairs, I'm on the sofa crying. He's not great with emotions or speaking, I'm the complete other end of the spectrum in that regards. I know sometimes he just doesn't want to say the wrong thing or upset me further. I understand....
I don't particularly feel I am a great person to be around at the moment so it's definitely not all on him, but something just isn't working.
He's my best friend, we have been through a lot of trauma and tough things together at such a young age which makes me want to keep fighting but also...I'm tired. I want someone who bigs me up, I want someone who asks about my day, who tells me it's okay your doing a good job when I feel like the shittiest mum in the world. I want someone who is willing to take time off to help with their child. I don't want my daughter experiencing a broke home, I have no family apart from my husbands.