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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Is this an attachment issue?

18 replies

Lookingforlove2022 · 03/08/2023 15:38

Are these example's possible attachment issues or really he's just not into me....

No public kissing ( peck on cheek), holding hands or affection.

In private watching TV doesn't want to snuggle up to each other, cuddle or kiss.

After sex turns over no cuddling or through the night.

He says he doesn't feel the need for affection which really means?

Does not speak on the phone and hardly texts.

Been to his house and definitely no other women, his car and home are a mess....

Earns a lot of money but is not generous in the slightest....

OP posts:

cheapskatemum · 03/08/2023 16:01

The first 4 strike me more as a sensory issue than attachment disorder. Have you asked him why? Is he able to describe the sensations he gets from extended physical contact? I must admit I wouldn't consider a relationship with someone who acts like this (presumably it's early days), but I accept we all like, want & need different things in a partner.

AtrociousCircumstance · 03/08/2023 16:02

Whether it is or it isn’t it’s definitely a do not bother with this man romantically issue.

VeridicalVagabond · 03/08/2023 16:05

Just sounds like he's not a very affectionate or emotionally expressive person, which isn't necessarily a flaw, some people love that. At least he's up front about it.

I couldn't be with someone like this as I'm very tactile and cuddly, which I also understand is some people's worst nightmare. It's all about compatibility.

If you need cuddles and affection and such, you're not going to get it from this person and will remain unfulfilled in that area in your relationship. Up to you whether that's a deal breaker or not.

Original poster

Lookingforlove2022 · 03/08/2023 16:11

Thank all you so much....

He says he does feel the need for affection, he also doesn't show his emotions and won't talk about how he feels about anything, he also won't ask me questions about my life......

I feel deep down he wants to be loved

OP posts:

Butterfly44 · 03/08/2023 16:19

I'd leave it. If he's not doing that now he's not going to change unfortunately. You need tp be with someone like minded

PaintedEgg · 03/08/2023 16:19

we wont be able to figure it out here, but whatever his issue is you will regret making it your problem

GentlemanJay · 03/08/2023 16:23

You are still with him?

Original poster

Lookingforlove2022 · 03/08/2023 16:37

Yes still with him....

Why does it feel difficult to end things even though it's for the best and it's not making me happy...

OP posts:

JibbaJab · 03/08/2023 16:42

I think that's more he's detached than anything and struggles in expressing perhaps. May like you but at end of the day if it's deeply rooted likely won't change without addressing it.

If you need more than that better to part ways rather than becoming too invested.

Toadsnotfrogs · 03/08/2023 16:48

What a mess. Big divergence issues going on there. Have a look at sex, sensory and autism and see does that ring any bells.

Seasideanticscanleadtosandybuckets · 03/08/2023 16:50

Please don't be under the logic that you can save him....
For whatever reason he isn't emotionally ready for a proper relationship op.. Don't sell yourself short staying with him..

usernother · 03/08/2023 16:56

I think a more important question is why on earth are you into him? Dump immediately.

Original poster

Lookingforlove2022 · 03/08/2023 17:14

Apparently he grown up in a family which was very traditional no one expressed anything at all....

OP posts:

AtrociousCircumstance · 03/08/2023 17:33

End it before you get even more attached to him and the idea you can ‘save’ him from his stunted upbringing with the warmth of your love. Whereas in fact you’d just be locked into a painful and pointless half-relationship where all your finer feelings and qualities are effectively flushed down the toilet on a daily basis.

Original poster

Lookingforlove2022 · 03/08/2023 17:50

Thanks for all the advice, I have put an end to it and wished him well.

OP posts:

AtrociousCircumstance · 03/08/2023 17:57

Wow - well done OP!

Ilovelurchers · 03/08/2023 18:09

He sounds exactly like my ex in every regard! Right down to the "traditional family" explanation for his behaviour.....

I found the lack of affection very hard to take - I am a very cuddly person. He dumped me, and I was broken up about it (despite the relationship being difficult) but looking back, I'm pleased as we would never have been compatible, and the man I am with now definitely shows a lot of physical affection!

You have done the right thing OP. It didn't feel right to you and you listened to these feelings. Now go find someone who makes you feel loved in a way that works for you! Good luck. X

Johnisafckface · 04/08/2023 00:19

Lookingforlove2022 · 03/08/2023 16:11

Thank all you so much....

He says he does feel the need for affection, he also doesn't show his emotions and won't talk about how he feels about anything, he also won't ask me questions about my life......

I feel deep down he wants to be loved

Sounds like my ex.

He wasn’t affectionate at all and never asked me any questions either. He wanted to be doted on but never reciprocated unless you count fixing something around my house (I don’t see that as affection)

I ended up feeling very alone and resentful. It’s one of the reasons he’s an ex.

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