In the last 12 months I have spent 6 weeks with my Mil, this is not an unusual year. We have never lived near to her so visits have been a week or more. 2 week summer holiday last year abroad. I arranged the whole thing - flights, 2 different places to stay, day trips etc. We did have a nice time.
I have no family, have been on my own since going to university so the last 20 yrs has been a lot of time with my husband's family. Some of it good, some of it bad. I grew up around severe mental illness (this was the 1980's, people were not as enlightened or open as they are now) and growing up was not good, my father was deranged. My mother in law (who knows about my family history) said to me recently that I was an "oddball". I laughed it off to her but she could see I did not like her saying it, but no apology, no "I am sorry, I did not mean for that to come out that way". Her daughter is "quirky" but I am an oddball. She saw nothing wrong with calling me that.
You will always play a losing hand against a saint - I am the scapegoat for any stress, any tension. We had a recent visit to her and there was talk of another holiday later this summer and I said I would not go as I did not want another long drive, but why don't the 4 of you go (husband, MIL and our 2 teenage children). I said this to MIl. She speaks to my husband later and he then speaks to me and says "what is wrong with you that you don't want to go on holiday with your family"
The good times are now few and far between, certainly the time at our house and the time at her house is bad. It will only get worse as she gets older. I have finally asked myself, why are you doing this? the children are teenagers, he can take them to his mother on his own. It is almost as if he wants me there to have some to have a go at.
I did not go through all I have been through and lived with no family support of my own my entire adult life to put up with this now. I have finally realised, I have a choice.