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Original poster

Fair split of finances

35 replies

Anonfin · 03/08/2023 07:32

Just needed another opinion as me and my DP both think we are paying more than we should be! We both earn about the same amount if we both worked full time (eg before having child). Now I work 3 days a week and he works full time. We still split all the bills 50:50 (as we continued to do during my mat leave) but my DP pays for all the food shopping (which he does and cooks or sorts out food every eve) while I pay for the nursery bill (and do most of the childcare when LO is not in nursery). He has other expenses due to his job that I don’t have but does this sound fair?

OP posts:
Original poster
Anonfin · 03/08/2023 12:46

@MrsBennetsPoorNerves I would be better off financially (just) if I worked full time but as LO is only one I’d rather not yet.

OP posts:
MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 03/08/2023 12:58

Anonfin · 03/08/2023 12:46

@MrsBennetsPoorNerves I would be better off financially (just) if I worked full time but as LO is only one I’d rather not yet.

That's totally fair enough. I was just wondering if you being PT was a joint decision about what was best for your family as a whole, or whether he might see this as a lifestyle choice on your part that mainly benefits you. I guess his perception of that might impact on his view of what is "fair" with regard to the financial split.

If it was a joint decision for you to reduce your hours, then I think you should have equal access to disposable income after all essential costs have been covered. If the decision was primarily driven by your preferences, then I can see why he might consider that you have traded more time at home for some of your disposable income.

QueueEtwo · 03/08/2023 16:18

Pay everything in to the joint account each month, leave enough in there to cover all joint expenses, including nursery & food shopping then pay yourselves equal spending money each back to your personal accounts!

That way, you can save if you want to out of your share, he can fritter his if he wants to!

That solves your issues!

Doingmybest12 · 04/08/2023 00:35

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 03/08/2023 12:58

That's totally fair enough. I was just wondering if you being PT was a joint decision about what was best for your family as a whole, or whether he might see this as a lifestyle choice on your part that mainly benefits you. I guess his perception of that might impact on his view of what is "fair" with regard to the financial split.

If it was a joint decision for you to reduce your hours, then I think you should have equal access to disposable income after all essential costs have been covered. If the decision was primarily driven by your preferences, then I can see why he might consider that you have traded more time at home for some of your disposable income.

Show quote history

So he is too dense to realise that if op isn't at home he'll need to pay for childcare and also pitch in with drop offs and collections .

MumGMT · 04/08/2023 01:30

Anonfin · 03/08/2023 09:47

I think one issue is that he doesn’t know how much he really spends on the food shopping but it’s probably more than I would because he eats a lot and likes nice food (and ends up wasting quite a bit too!)

So he can't even be arsed to work out how much he's even spending on food but he's moaning about it?

I think he’s just annoyed that I’m not contributing to the food shopping money!

Tell him to pay 50% of the nursery costs and then you'll pay the same towards food 😂

He sounds like a dummy.

Original poster
Anonfin · 08/08/2023 08:00

@MumGMT I think I’ll be worse off if I ask for 50% childcare costs and then I pay for 50% food as, like I said, he spends more on food than I think we should be! (I think it could be the same amount as nursery costs if he shopped more sensibly!)

Have looked at his previous annual tax returns and after expenses and not getting paid for holidays and sick days, overall there’s not much difference in our annual income with me working part time (his is around 4/5K more)! His just varies a lot from month to month. Some months he will get paid double my income and some months he won’t get paid much if he’s sick or taking holiday! As he’s not great at saving this makes it difficult to set up an arrangement to pay an agreed amount into a joint account each month.

Previously he’s given me extra money he’s earned in good weeks to save for him which has helped a bit when he’s needed it later. Obviously, ideally he would be able to manage this himself!

OP posts:
anotherdisaster · 08/08/2023 10:22

I hate to hear when couples argue about who pays for what etc. I had this with my now ex, because he expected me to pay for 50% of everything even though I was part time and he earned way more than me. He was bitter that I got to work part-time (even though I was caring for our child).
The fact that he's even questioning this is a red flag to me. He doesn't sound very responsible with money so I dont blame you for not having a joint account. Paying for bills shouldn't be this hard.

MumGMT · 08/08/2023 14:47

Anonfin · 08/08/2023 08:00

@MumGMT I think I’ll be worse off if I ask for 50% childcare costs and then I pay for 50% food as, like I said, he spends more on food than I think we should be! (I think it could be the same amount as nursery costs if he shopped more sensibly!)

Have looked at his previous annual tax returns and after expenses and not getting paid for holidays and sick days, overall there’s not much difference in our annual income with me working part time (his is around 4/5K more)! His just varies a lot from month to month. Some months he will get paid double my income and some months he won’t get paid much if he’s sick or taking holiday! As he’s not great at saving this makes it difficult to set up an arrangement to pay an agreed amount into a joint account each month.

Previously he’s given me extra money he’s earned in good weeks to save for him which has helped a bit when he’s needed it later. Obviously, ideally he would be able to manage this himself!

No I mean tell him to pay say £400 towards nursery (sorry not sure of UK prices so whatever 50% is) and then you give him the same £400 back as your contribution to food.

Original poster
Anonfin · 09/08/2023 06:58

@MumGMT I mean, I could be atm this is my way of ensuring he contributes a bit more than me, but it’s on him how much more that is!

OP posts:
Spacecowboys · 21/09/2023 16:39

Impossible to say without having an idea of the monthly take home of you both, the childcare and food bill costs and the other costs he has that are a necessity for work.

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