So confused advice please

[K18]

So the guy I’m seeing has been flaky for a while. We were supposed to meet the night before he went away and he said he is struggling, feeling low and doesn’t know what to do.
I said to him I’m really sorry he is struggling but I don’t know what to do as he ignores me and won’t see me, shall I just leave him alone and end the situation as it doesn’t seem to be going anywhere.
He then says no he doesn’t want that, he feels happy when he is with me and I’m amazing etc.
So after I say maybe it’s not a good idea to keep seeing each other he comes over and unfortunately I initiate sex with him (it’s been about 2 months since we last did it)
he said he didn’t expect that and thought he’d get told off instead? Now I’m so annoyed with myself as I should have had the conversation not have sex with him . He clearly does not want to be with me as he does go out with his friends etc but why won’t he just let me go? I have literally tried to end it about 3 times now and every time I end up feeling like I’m abandoning him when he’s low plus I think I love him so I don’t really want to leave him alone but the situation makes me miserable.
thanks for reading ❤️

Stop wasting your time op

I definitely have feelings for him but his actions do make me feel less attracted to him. I know you are right! Thank you for replying.
Maybe I’ll send the final message today and move on, I feel bad but really don’t know why 🙄

He clearly does not want to be with me as he does go out with his friends etc but why won’t he just let me go?

Going out with his friends doesn't mean he doesn't want to be with you, it means he wants a social life.

Why are you waiting for him to "let you go"? What do you want? You have agency here.

Stop being so passive.

He sounds confused and unable to take responsibility for his mental health. It's rather unhealthy for you to feel it's your job to fix it. It's not your job or within your power to fix him.

Healthy, loving, mutually respectful relationships do not make you miserable.

Don't suggest it's not a good idea to keep seeing each other, tell him you no longer want to see him or speak to him.

Block his number and move on.

As sad as this is I really want to find my person and because it was so great at the beginning I thought it might be him.
I do have a tendency to be a fixer in relationships and end up with none of my needs being met. Low self esteem I guess.
but thanks I do appreciate your advice. I just need some kahooners to do it now 😂.
What I struggle with is why people don’t just say when they aren’t interested anymore? It’s weird

It's not that straightforward, is it? Part of you wants to leave because at heart you feel it's not working, but it's not all bad, and part of you would be sad to lose the good bits.

Yes exactly it’s not that easy! also I know how awful depression can be and I would hate to just leave him when he’s struggling
I would miss him if I ended it but it is making me feel pretty rubbish

People quite often don't want to be the bad guy or have any tricky discussions, preferring to keep the other person hanging on indefinitely. This has the bonus of allowing them company on tap, in dribs and drabs whenever they feel like it from someone who is into them so tries to please. Winner.

This man does not have to give you permission to end things. Finishing a relationship can be an active, unilateral thing. You're not seeking his approval, you're freeing yourself up to meet the right man, simply going about it in a clear cut way. Let him know things aren't right for you, wish him well, regroup.

Thank you all for your messages. I really appreciate it.
I am struggling with the situation today, I wish I could just forget about him and I know he’ll be silent now which is hard 😞
I will try and spend some time on myself I guess I should block him to avoid the cycle starting all over again

You say he ignores you and won't see you. If you aren't yet feeling as though you can end it or don't want to because of the "what ifs", maybe try taking a step back to see it for what it is?

Do you feel that it is always you initiating conversation? If so, pull back and stop. Stop suggesting to meet, and see what he does. If he makes the effort then great, if not, then it surely tells you all that you need to know.

Don't let him turn you into a pen pal just because he needs someone to talk to. Going through a bad patch is not an excuse to treat people poorly.

He sounds like an avoidant attachment type - it may be worth doing some reading into this as well.

The great advice that I always see on here is, what would you advise your best friend to do if it was her and she told you this?

That’s a really good point I will definitely look into his attachment style, apparently mine is fearful avoidant. I just wish I could stop blaming myself and analysing everything it’s so draining 😟