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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

What is the game plan

6 replies

FuzzyBunny001 · 02/08/2023 22:35

Hi everyone I need your opinion I am going to loose my mind... So me and my son's father have been together for 5 years, last year in August he moved a 2 hours drive away in order to find a job the original plan was I stay behind with our son and once he is on his feet he will come to fetch us... This year in May he told me that it's over between us and we wil never be a couple again, that broke me into a gazillion pieces I am still not over him i am taking it day by day previously he use to come and fetch our son to visit him for a week and then bring him back the week after but yesterday he out of the blue sent me a photo of a bus ticket for him that's coming through on sunday morning and leaving again on monday evening when i had asked him what it was he said that he is coming to visit me and our son spending the night with us and then leaving again on the monday because he has to be back for work.... I am stunned I don't know what to say or think or how to react why is he doing this now??? Why can't he just pick up our son and go back to where he stays he is going to confuse me and I am scared it pushes me back to square one and I won't be able to go through that again, but I can't say no either I still love him and would do anything to be with him that man is honestly my kryptonite.... Why is he doing this NOW? What is his game plan? What am not seeing in this picture?

OP posts:
PimpMyFridge · 02/08/2023 23:04

It suits him for convenience or an ego massage or he fancies getting his leg over and knows he'll be able to weaken your resolve... and he isn't concerned about the emotional toll or aftermath with which you will pay the price of this careless selfish approach.

Ok so you want your son to see his dad but can he crash at a mattress or something because this has got hurt for you written all over it.

DustyLee123 · 03/08/2023 07:58

No, he doesn’t get to stay with you. Put your foot down.

supercali77 · 03/08/2023 08:30

Just say 'no', it's not ok. Also, he needs to ASK and agree things in advance as regards childcare.

Theunamedcat · 03/08/2023 08:33

Whose name is the house in? Does he have any property left in there?

Send him an air bnb link back

Frogmila · 03/08/2023 08:41

You have to be firm and say this doesn't work for you. Build and maintain boundaries. He moved 2 hours away and then left you. He knows you will be hurt, confused etc. He needs to make his own arrangements such as find a hotel with a twin room nearby (or his parents if applicable) not stay with you. Be polite, clear and unshakeable. His suggestion is not appropriate and he needs to think of another. He may be feeling a bit lonely/ nostalgic etc but how will you feel on Monday once he's gone if he stays over? Not great. If he changes him.mind he needs to say so overtly, not slip back into family life when it is convenient.

CurlewKate · 03/08/2023 08:56

@FuzzyBunny001 please,please,please make sure you have rock solid contraception controlled by you in place. Just in case.

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