do i deserve to be upset

[hoonoo]

Hi.
I know I'm in the wrong, but I was having an affair for 8 years. I know it was probably not what mumsnet approve of. However, that is not what I want to ask.
The relationship ended in a rather horrid way and I am desperately upset and lonely now. I am scared to cry, as I don't know if I am allowed to be upset. I have lost a friend, someone who I shared a hobby with and someone I loved. Why the relationship ended doesn't really matter as I know I shouldn't have done it.
How do I pick myself up after 8 years? Am I allowed to cry??

Of course youll be upset.
How come it was such a long affair? Were you ever going to leave your main partner?
Maybe you should look into having private therapy to talk it over

Yes you are allowed to grieve the loss of a relationship regardless of what type it was. It was part of your life for such a long time that its going to take a while to adjust. You need to be kind to yourself. You need to ensure you never make contact or even look this person up again for the sake of your own mental and emotional wellbeing.

You will get over the relationship but it will take time. When you have some strength back, you need to define who you are, what you like and what your boundaries are. Think about what type of person you want to be and strive for goals in that direction. Find hobbies and activities you like. Identify causes you can support. Develop and nurture new and existing relationships. Never be souly dependant on one person for your happiness. Think about where in life you are insufficient (we all have these) and bolster them so you are stronger. Live your best life and whatever comes let it come and whatever goes let it go. Best of luck...if you find it really tough I'd seek counselling x

Were you single and was he married?
I don't think it's a case of Karma. You build an emotional dependence when you're having an affair. You become very enmeshed in one another's lives. No judgement from me, just take it day by day. Keep busy. Take up hobbies.

No judgement and I'm sorry. Is there anyone you can talk to and just have a good sob. If not, a counsellor is a good suggestion. Hope things get better x

Eight years is a long time to be with someone and you're bound to be upset, regardless of how it ended. It'll take time, and you need to work through all the emotions. As pp said, maybe some counselling would help?