I feel so lonely - husband works all the time.

[sat36]

Hi mumsnet. Feeling teary tonight regarding my DH. We used to be extremely close, constantly spending time together, doing fun things, or just chilling out laughing.

My husband recently got promoted at work and manages a very large team. This means he's often up at early hours and coming back late also (sometimes travels up to 3 hours a day). He's so tired so when he does get home, he crashes out. I barely speak to him in the week and it's getting me so down. He says it will get better but it never gets better, each week brings a new work problem. I appreciate how hard he works but in the same breath, I miss my best friend.

I feel so alone recently. We have two young DC also, which is hard work for me as a lot I do the most regarding childcare.

Any advice :(?

I hear you DH works away Mon-Fri but sometimes weeks or months at a time. When he's home he's tired or on the phone or sorting things on his lap top. I feel I've wasted my life x

No advice sorry

How long has it been going on for?

and what’s his (realistic) timeline for ‘better’?and what does ‘better’ look like?

These would be the things I would want to know. And of course was the promotion enough to be worth a temporary pay off

About 5 months or so now. It's always 'it'll calm down once a certain project is over' but there's always a new project starting. Better would be not coming home so late and helping with the bedtimes etc. Or maybe just even some time in the day for a phone call or something...

That mythical future improvement never came in my exh's case. It just got worse. I'm not sure what came first: the lack of interest in spending time with me and the children, or the long hours and working away. But these two things came hand in hand and he ended up flirting with, then sleeping with other women. He explained this to himself as being my fault.

Don't accept it without protest. He might want to live to work, rather than working to live, but if that's not your choice then he shouldn't impose it on you (if he wants to stay with you).

@80s I'm so sorry to hear this happened. How horrible. What an arse!

I don't think my husband would ever do that, I believe he loves me and the children a lot, but work is just taking over and the constant demands of it. I don't think he would even have time for an affair haha.

I'm going to have a proper conversation about it tonight as it's starting to affect me mentally.

I couldn't imagine it, either. He was affected by other stress factors.
It was women he met at and through his work, unsurprisingly, considering he spent most of his waking hours there.

My exh always reacted as if I was criticising his work ethic or ability to do his job within the set hours. Make sure you're clear what point you're trying to make.