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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Partner left after 7 years

20 replies

Panda7513 · 02/08/2023 16:43

Hi all, new here but in need of help/advice.

just over a week ago my partner told me that he had been seeing someone else for 3 weeks, and that our relationship of 7 years is over. We have a 6 year old little boy together.

Due to his work, he moved 3 hours away from our hometown and eventually myself & my son went to live with him. We’d been in the house 5 years, but I’ve come back to my hometown with my son and move back in with my mum.

I’m obviously completely destroyed and my whole life has been taken away from me and my son. He loved his school and friends. I’m very scared about doing things by myself. I’ve already submitted an application for schools in the local area as that is my main priority but I’m worried he won’t get a place in time for September. I don’t know what I will do about housing. All this has happened so fast and I’m just completely lost. Just after a bit of advice/comfort I guess :(

OP posts:
TeaKitten · 02/08/2023 16:46

So sorry OP, I’ve had similar happen to me. Do you have to move back to your own town? Looking for housing where your son goes to school and his dad is could be an option to help him be more settled especially?

Original poster
Panda7513 · 02/08/2023 16:49

Unfortunately I’ve had to come back to my hometown and I’ll have to stay here. The house we were renting we got through his work, so now he will have to hand the house back over and I don’t have the funds to look for anywhere for us to live yet. All of my family and friends are in this area too I only really had my partner where we used to live so I thought it was better to be where I have a support network!

OP posts:
Missingpup · 02/08/2023 16:50

As well as your son’s school, Did you also leave your job? Friends?

Missingpup · 02/08/2023 16:52

Panda7513 · 02/08/2023 16:49

Unfortunately I’ve had to come back to my hometown and I’ll have to stay here. The house we were renting we got through his work, so now he will have to hand the house back over and I don’t have the funds to look for anywhere for us to live yet. All of my family and friends are in this area too I only really had my partner where we used to live so I thought it was better to be where I have a support network!

Why does he have to give up his job?

army I presume?

Original poster
Panda7513 · 02/08/2023 16:56

Yes army. He won’t be giving up his job, but he won’t be entitled to the house anymore if our son isn’t living there so he’ll have to empty it and give it back. I didnt work and only had a handful of friends so that’s not been too much of an issue thankfully

OP posts:
Missingpup · 02/08/2023 17:00

Panda7513 · 02/08/2023 16:56

Yes army. He won’t be giving up his job, but he won’t be entitled to the house anymore if our son isn’t living there so he’ll have to empty it and give it back. I didnt work and only had a handful of friends so that’s not been too much of an issue thankfully

Goodness doesn’t sound like much of a life you had up there. Stuck on army accommodation, no job and few friends.

this move is a good thing for you.

how close are you to your mother

have you discussed finances with ex?

Original poster
Panda7513 · 02/08/2023 17:05

Me and my mum are close, its just a bit weird coming back here after so long.

he is away for 4 months from next week and has agreed to give me any money I ask for/need whilst he’s away, then we will come to a proper agreement about what he will give me monthly when he gets back

OP posts:
Missingpup · 02/08/2023 17:06

he is away for 4 months from next week and has agreed to give me any money I ask for/need whilst he’s awa

agree a set figure, now.

Livinghappy · 02/08/2023 17:09

Is he OK with you moving away? Potentially he could stop the school move. Can you get something in an email to him agreeing to change of school, I.e even if its just him confirming he is aware you have registered your son at a new school.

As a parent he has PR so needs to consent.

I know how horrible it feels to be let down but please know your life will get better.

Original poster
Panda7513 · 02/08/2023 17:17

He’s fine with me moving away as he knows it’s what needed to happen, we’ve talked through the schools that are all close to me and he’s happy so there’s no issue there, we both agreed the school application needed to be done asap.
thank you, I really hope it starts to feel better soon

OP posts:
Maggiesgirl · 02/08/2023 18:38

I know you wanted to move back for schools. If possible though if you had stayed in the quarter and your H had moved back into the block you would have been given 90 days to live innthe quarter before you would have been given a eviction notice. From there you would have been able to take that to your local council for help with housing.

Original poster
Panda7513 · 02/08/2023 18:44

That is very true, but as it all came as such a massive shock it was just a case of I needed to be out of that house for my own mental wellbeing. It was in the middle of nowhere and I don’t drive so that would have been an issue too. I’m hoping all will be ok and I’ll get it sorted eventually. My priority right now is obviously my little boy.

OP posts:
Maggiesgirl · 02/08/2023 19:03

Have you contacted Army Welfare. Phone them where you were and they can help. SAFFA are brilliant as well. If you need to set up a new home completely they can be invaluable.

You have said you were in the middle of nowhere, was your H Signals? At a camp starting with a B? If so yes you would be quite isolated there.

Original poster
Panda7513 · 02/08/2023 19:22

I haven’t no, I was going to but then partner snapped at me and said they wouldn’t do anything to help me now I’ve moved out of the home but I’ve been advised by a friend in the area that it’s probably because he is scared about getting in trouble with the army, as the affair was with someone in the army too.

he is air corps, based at an airfield in suffolk

OP posts:
HoneyIShrunkThePizza · 02/08/2023 19:24

Panda7513 · 02/08/2023 19:22

I haven’t no, I was going to but then partner snapped at me and said they wouldn’t do anything to help me now I’ve moved out of the home but I’ve been advised by a friend in the area that it’s probably because he is scared about getting in trouble with the army, as the affair was with someone in the army too.

he is air corps, based at an airfield in suffolk

Do not engage with him Panda. Have you heard of Grey rocking? He no longer gets to tell you what you can and cannot do. Ring anyone and everyone who can help as your number one priority is now your and your son's wellbeing.

Original poster
Panda7513 · 02/08/2023 19:27

I haven’t heard of that no. I will do. I’m not the one that’s done anything wrong at the end of the day, I’m presuming what he’s done is massively frowned upon by the army!

OP posts:
Maggiesgirl · 02/08/2023 19:54

They will help you. Give them a phone in the morning. It is nothing to do with him now. As he is going to be away, and decides he dosnt want to provide financially, welfare will sort it out. They would rather know, than not know.

DH did 34 years in the Army I did almost 20 of them with him. I've seen a lot of break ups in that time.

Good luck to you sweetheart.

Original poster
Panda7513 · 02/08/2023 20:18

I definitely will, thank you so much for your advice x

OP posts:
TheWayoftheLeaf · 03/08/2023 08:27

He had an affair leaving you jobless and homeless OP. He doesn't get to tell you what resources you can contact.

Original poster
Panda7513 · 03/08/2023 13:37

I agree. I’ve come to realise he’s been displaying very narcissistic behaviour now.

OP posts:
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