Looking after elderly parent

[gallop]

I come from a community where the responsibility of looking after elderly parents usually falls on the daughter. And as is the norm, I was gifted all my parents property and assets many years ago. Only my dad is now around and has been living on his own overseas. He recently had a fall and his health has deteriorated significantly. He can no longer look after himself. He is a difficult man but I would love to have him live with me. The problem is that I moved to the UK 20 years ago and my dad will only be able to stay for 6 months on a visitor visa.

My brother lives in the USA and does not want to be involved with caring for my father in any meaningful way. He might be happy to pay for some of the care, but says its my responsibility to look after our elderly father. My children will be taking their A Levels and GCSEs next year so I cannot relocate to look after dad. Dad absolutely refuses to accept the help of caregivers and insists that I either move in with him or he comes to the UK to be with me.

I feel quite anxious and can't see any way out of this quandary. Any advise?

Totally out of my realm of experience but from the way you've described it, I can't see an easy answer tbh.

I wouldn't want to relocate for the reasons you've given. In fact, I'd take that off the table.

Is that the only visa option available to him?

Is there any other family local to him who could care for him seeing as you're so far away?

Are you saying he's already gifted you all the assets and property on the understanding you would look after him? If so I think you need to organise a visa and get him over here.

Has your brother also received gifts?

Always difficult when things change and an elderly parent needs care. People have hopes and expectations and plans. But you have to deal with the real practicalities.
It’s clearly impossible for you to move overseas to be with your DF if you have DC in their late teens. Your DF could not logically expect this.
The requirements for visas etc are not determined by you and are not under your control. Point this out to your DF.
Could you maybe go visit your DF and support him to get some appropriate help where he currently lives.

Its not down to you to support him by dint of fact that you're female or because of norms in a culture which suppress women to a status of domestic servant/house elf.

You have your own family to consider here so put them and you first . He can say what he likes but it does not change the fact that you are infact not actually obligated to care for him in his dotage.

Why would you at all want your father, a man who you also describe as difficult, to come and live with you at all?. Why would you inflict him on your kids in your home?. Give your head a right wobble!!!. Both your brother and you moved countries for good reason (your parents treatment towards you most likely). Doing this out of only feeling obligated to him will only give you carer burnout and additionally make your own family's lives a complete misery. There is no room for him.

Is he a British citizen?. If he cannot stay here for any longer than six months on a visitors visa (and he will be expected to show he can support himself along with paying his medical costs) and that is not the purpose of a visitors visa then he will have to arrange to be cared for in his home country. The requirements for visas are indeed not under your control and its unlikely he can meet those in any case.

Your brother has well and truly opted out here and you ultimately need to do the same harsh as that sounds. You do not owe your dad care in his old age and your brother also is wrong to assume that you should be his dad's carer.

I come from a similar culture. Well, you were gifted assets and property so it's on you to look after your parents. I think I would explore visa options available to him to come and live with you in the UK.

Can you get him an adult dependant visa? I think this depends on your own status. Might be worth contacting an immigration lawyer to see if there is eligibility.

If you were gifted property and money, on the basis you would care for him, then bring him over. See if you can apply for permanent residency based on his declining health. If not then you should pay for his care/cleaning package, where he lives. Otherwise return all of the money and assets.