Blending Family

[meganc1995]

Hi all 🥰
I wanted to keep it short but please can you all (if any) are able to share your experiences with your partners ex girlfriend who they share a child with?

Does it get any easier? Does the weaponising of the child ever end? Does the drama ever pass?

We have been together 2.5 years and it comes in phases depending on wether she is in relationship or not. I am constantly told it's not my circus and they are not my monkeys but I can't help but feel sorry for the child as it's not fair on them.

Thanks everyone !

Without going into the ins and outs of my life because we would be here for hours, I can say that from experience, it does get easier.

I think the thing to try and remember is that the children come first and should always be under the impression, even if it couldn't be further from the truth, that everyone gets along. They don't need to be dragged into any drama and, especially if they are young, as they just are not emotionally equipped to deal with it. It is also important that at no point to they hear one parent slagging the other parent off. They are always listening!

I found that it was actually around the year 3 mark that everything settled down and everyone became a bit calmer. Good Luck :)

From my experience it completely depends on the parents involved, how high conflict they are when trying to co-parent and ages of children. Don’t go into the situation with rose tinted glasses like I did thinking that by creating a stable family home everything will ease.

Example 1

The dramas between my partner and his ex have completely messed their now adult kids up. His ex was beyond toxic for years and it effected my partners & kids mental health very badly. We had a policy in our blended home where no negative stuff was to be said about his ex wife in front of the kids and I tried to encourage positive relationships between them all. Unfortunately that wasn’t reciprocated but I always found that things eased when a new boyfriend was on the scene but as soon as that ceased all the drama would start again.

The toxicity and drama caused due to them not being able to co-parent effectively has effected our relationship so negatively, impacted on all the children as well as every aspect of our lives.

My partners children (adults) have been so badly effected by it all and the eldest is the typical adult child of a high conflict divorce e.g. drug use, mental health issues. This in itself has caused so much damage to our family and the other children as no matter what mental health support or rules we tried to implement to help him it was always negated by the ex.

Example 2

When I separated from my husband although there was tensions at first it settled down and we managed to co-parent without all the dramas etc. Neither of us wanted the drama and prioritised putting the children first rather than trying to get one over on each other. The reason it worked was because we both wanted no drama and to move forward with our lives rather than hold on to resentments.

You have only been together a couple of years, do you have to be involved with the children and the ex that much? Doesn’t he just sort things out with the ex and then you mostly see him without the kids? I wouldn’t get involved in it, no need.