I don’t want to look like my parent

[TribbleToilandTrouble]

I had an unpleasant childhood to say the least.

Recently as I’ve started to age, I’ve started to favour the abusive parent more. If I’m on teams and I look at my face, I can see the resemblance and it really bothers me.

I don’t want to look like them, I don’t want to be reminded of them with my own bloody face!

Has anyone else had to deal with this? What did you do? I can’t exactly get a new face can I.

Yes me. Over the past few years I’ve started looking like my abusive parent. I notice my abusive parents mannerisms in me too - just the way I move my hands, the way I rub my neck, the way I say certain words (only nice words!) and I HATE it. I avoid the mirror as much as possible. I’m NC with them and it’s like being haunted seeing my face morph into theirs.

Oh gosh yes, I've been feeling this immensely since I hit my late 50s. I renewed an ID card that I needed, looked at it and thought oh my god I look like my bloody mother. (She hasn't contacted me in over ten years.)

I wonder is there anything published about it at all?

Yes, and it's got worse as I've got older.
I've noticed that it's only the resting face or caught by surprise face though. So if I catch that face in the mirror, I give myself a huge smile, because I don’t look like them when I smile and look really happy. It breaks the spell IYKWIM and I don't care if I look like a loon grinning at myself.

Maybe you can find an expression that makes you look different too?

I don't have this specifically but I really feel for you.

My mum was far more attractive than my dad. She was conventionally attractive. My dad wasn't at all.

I've always resembled my dad more physically and I know this caused her great distress when I was a child - she just assumed I'd be pretty like her and I wasn't. And didn't I know it!

As I age (late 40s now) I resemble my dad/his mum even more so. I can't bare to have photos of myself taken, and can't bare to look at compulsory ones (eg work id). I have huge confidence issues around being seen out in public at times, receiving compliments and feel shame when I'm out with my partner (for him - i dont want people to think I'm the best he could do because hes amazing). I feel uncomfortable wearing make up and perceive myself as quite ugly tbh

Other people tell me I'm attractive/pretty but I can't see it at all. I have no perspective at all when it comes to my face. All I can see is what is wrong with it 😕

Yes, I am NC with my mum, and I found an old photo of her when she was around the age I am now and it literally looks like me. It's really upsetting to me. Honestly, I'm thinking I may need to lose weight so we look less alike!

yes it bothers me because shes a fugly bitch, and I cant stand her