Can’t get over my ex

[MrEyee]

I was with my ex boyfriend for 5 years and it was the most love I have ever felt in my life the love we had was pure and we were best friends. It was the deepest most profound love I have ever experienced in my life. We got together when we were both 17 and broke up because my family did not want me to get married to him (south asian heritage caste system difference) although we are from the uk my parents still hold on to these outdated beliefs.

It has been 5 years since we have broken up and I have been in two relationships since. One which did not go well and the other where I ended up getting married. My husband is good to me but for some reason I can not let go of the love I had for my ex. We have recently been in contact where I reached out to him because I was constantly plagued thinking about him.

The reason I keep thinking about him is I cannot forgive myself for hurting someone that was so close to me and loved me dearly I have never felt this since. I left him at a time when he needed me the most and it constantly haunts me every single day. We have been speaking for around a month and he has opened up about his struggles when we broke up and the love he still has for me despite everything i put him through.

I have told him I will always care about him and deep down I don’t know why but I still see a future with him.. The reason initially wanted to speak to him was because over the 5 years we have been broken up I’d drop back into his life then ghost him again for no reason.. Last night he told me he didn’t want to speak to me again because he feels I’m not genuine and I cant blame him for feeling that. He said he forgave me for everything i’ve put him through but I cant forgive myself.. This time I genuinely meant that I want to stay in his life but he said we can’t even be friends because it will cause problems in my marriage..

I am so scared he will be married one day and forget all about me. I know we all mess up in our lives but I will never live this down and never forgive myself. He was the love of my life and me being me I hurt him the most. I just want god to give me another chance.

How awful. You must be in total shock. Especially on holiday where you are stuck together. Just try to get through one minute at a time right now until you get home (if you can stand it). Absolutely feel
for you. Sending you a hug.

sorry wrong thread.

You’ve treated him badly, you’re treating your husband badly. You really need to leave your husband, he presumably didn’t realise you were in love with another man when he married you and wouldn’t be happy to know you still are. He deserves to with someone who loves him.

Beating yourself up about past wrongs isn’t achieving anything, it’s staying stuck in angst and drama. It sounds like you need therapy to work through it all. But I really think you should get a divorce. Poor bloke doesn’t know his wife’s got one foot out of the door and it’s not his fault your parents had those views or that you listened to them.

Leave him alone op. It's the kindest thing you can do for him.

I have tried to but the last time he reached out to me. I have let him down so many times I can’t do it anymore I want to be a constant in his life in whatever way i can. I have been hurting for years.

Well you married someone else. Your husband, the one you married, should be your constant.

You're being extremely selfish. You messed him around, you won't let him move on. He's trying to do the right thing now and end this but you want to carry it on. Unless you're planning on leaving your husband then you're just going to hurt 2 men just because you selfishly want to stop your ex from moving on.

You're saying you won't forgive yourself, but you're carrying on with behaviour that is harming people. Saying you can't forgive yourself is very disingenuous and you're using it as an excuse to keep in touch.

You aren’t genuine.

You married someone else but haunted at the thought of him moving on. If you really cared for him, you would want him to move on and have a happy life, get married (if that’s what he wants) even if you aren’t in his life. You being in his life isn’t making it better.

You don't really love him. You are obsessed with an idea of what he used to be. You want him to live a half life, still in love with you but never able to be with you. That's cruel and not the actions of someone who has any respect let alone love for another person.

Tell him to block you. Block him. Get some counselling.

The more I read the post the more I see that this is about your feelings about yourself....not him. It's not so much that you love and want him....more that you don't want him to hate you. You did a horrible thing to him. If that doesn't fit with your perception of who you are that's ok. Good people do horrible things sometimes. But they are mostly able to accept the consequences of their actions and move on. You seem stuck in a regret and seeking forgiveness loop.

You were together when you were 17-22 years old. You didn't even have a fully functioning brain yet. The relationship you had with him is not what it would be now. You are chasing a ghost.

Get some.counselling to help you to forgive yourself and to move on to and to not cause this guy any more pain. You will be ok.

I wonder if any of my exes feel this way about me